THE CRANKSHAFT GAZETT: Tidbits from our infamous guest writer...RUSTY CRANKSHAFT

Frank Martin loses it at Groucho’s

Coach Frank Martin was trying to be patient with the wait staff at Grouchos earlier this week, but he had just had enough.  After all, he was very clear that he wanted 95 sauce instead of 45 sauce on his White Moose sandwich.  “I am trying to take off a few pounds, so I just wanted some of that **** lower calorie **** on my food.  Apparently that’s too much to ask.”

An onlooker caught on camera an exchange between the Coach and his waiter when the sandwich arrived with 45 sauce instead.  “DID I ASK FOR 45 SAUCE?  WELL DID I?  ANSWER THE ******** QUESTION YOU *******!!!!!” 

The Coach has been asked to not eat at Grouchos for one month by AD Ray Tanner.  

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Auburn and Carolina decide to play Twister instead of Basketball at SEC Tournament

The Auburn Tigers and South Carolina Gamecocks knew that whoever won their 1^st round game in this year’s SEC Basketball Tournament wasn’t likely to win the Championship, so they turned their meaningless 1^st round matchup into a fun game of Twister.  “Why not,” said Gamecock Coach Frank Martin, who believes his players deserved a fun ending to the year.  “They’ve worked hard and we’ll get better, so why not end the year on a happy note?”

The Gamecocks ended up winning the Twister game after Brenton Williams successfully maneuvered his right hand to blue after putting his left foot on red.  Carolina will meet Arkansas in a game of “Truth or Dare” in the 2nd round.