More MOO U News: Gamecocks can just kiss my Orange Butt with their Outback Bowl and wins over us

THIS IS A FAKE STORY...DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

Special Guest Columnist:  Boog Leafblower of Pendleton

(Mr. Leafblower is a long-time Clemson fan with three years of elementary education. 
He is the official bird-watcher of the Waffle Houses in Pickens County)

You know who I don’t like?  South Carolina.  We win the Peach Bowl on Noo Yeerz Eve and we get about 10 seconds to enjoy it before all the chicken lovers are right back in our face.  I tell you what, I get as mad as a cottonmouth in August just thinking about it.  

When I was a young’un, we used to beat dem Gamecocks every year.  The belt I used to beat up my mama and sister had Danny Ferd etched right in the leather.  What?  What does misspelled mean?  Shut up!  Anyway, every Saturday I would take the tractor out of the barn, crank it up and head down to Death Valley to watch my Tigers win.  

But now, I can’t even enjoy listening to my Tigers on the talking box with the knobs anymore without hearing something about Gamecock this and Carolina that.  It just makes me want to go and beat up my cousin and my wife.  And maybe even a second person too.   

And somebody better stop this thing with them beating us all the time.  A man can’t even go down to the general store to buy fresh pig poop anymore without hearing some USC fan chattering about beating Dabo over and over again.  It’s enough to make you want to strangle your Grandma, and I know all about that.  You want a winning streak?  Check my boxers after a third helping of possum chili.  

You know what?  Just shut up Gamecocks.  We beat LSU by 1 point in the Peach Bowl and that makes us national champs again.  Dabo said so and Dabo made it through 5th grade.  All you chicken people with your salad forks and fancy book-learning.  Your day is coming friend, and it will mean an orange pitchfork right in your behonkus.