Crankshaft Gazette: Frank Martin irate after horrible dinner!

THIS IS A FAKE STORY.  DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

YOU CALL THIS A PORK CHOP!??!!?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

Last week, Gamecock head basketball coach Frank Martin thought he was sitting down at a friend’s house to eat some delicious pork chops with apple sauce for dinner.  Instead, the evening turned into a disaster.  “I can’t believe I have to eat something that tastes this bad,” said Martin, who is never afraid to make his strong opinions known.  “I mean, if you’re going to invite someone over to a meal, you should have some passion and fire about the food you’re cooking.  This is the worst pile of %#$@!^ garbage I have ever put in my mouth!!” 

Martin then went on to point out all the flaws he noticed in the friend’s home.  “I go into the can and there aren’t any %&^#%! decorative soaps!  Are you freaking kidding me?  And that #@^$%^# hand towel couldn’t dry a fly’s *** in the desert.”  When it was pointed out that Martin was being kind of harsh to his hosts, the fiery coach screamed that he was just being honest.  “Look I only know one speed baby and that is first-gear excellence!!  Don’t grab a pile of dog-#$~!@ off the road, plop it on my plate and tell me it’s a pork-chop!”  Martin went on to say that he enjoyed the evening overall and that parking was ample.