MOO U News: Clemson’s Chad Morris signs big contract extension. Gamecock fans celebrate!

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --

Clemson’s Offensive Coordinator Chad Morris has signed a long-term extension to stay with the Tigers this week, setting off a huge celebration in Columbia among Gamecock fans.  Morris’s offense got some attention early for running up big numbers against teams like Wofford, Troy and Maryland and took advantage of Florida State missing half its roster when they came to Death Valley.  When the boy genius brought his magical scheme to Columbia, he showed just what he could do against a real defense.  The Tigers rolled up a massive 153 yards of offense, including 83 electrifying yards through the air.  Rightful Heisman winner QB Tajh Boyd shredded the Gamecock defense all night, completing almost as many passes as times he was sacked and pressured.  The key to Morris’s success in Columbia though was balance.  Clemson marched through the Gamecock defense for a whopping 70 rushing yards, nearly a 1 to 1 match with the passing game.  After getting a Gatorade bath from Gamecock players after the game, Morris knew everyone in Garnet and Black would be lobbying for him to remain at Clemson.  Morris says he just may open up the other 30% of his offense in 2012, which will allow the Tigers to return to the 17 points against the Gamecocks they got in 2009. 

Are we getting comfortable in our own skin?

Last December, I remember vividly the moment I realized I was confident about the upcoming new year for Carolina sports.  Heading into 2011, I dare say I was actually <gasp> happy about the way things were in Columbia.  Not the fake, “I hope it will get better” stuff either.  I am talking about genuine optimism.  I can’t tell you the number of times I have headed into the Christmas season fed up, angry and depressed about Gamecock sports so this was new.  For the first time maybe ever, USC fans are getting comfortable in their own skin.  Okay, not ALL of us are, but those who choose to see the big picture are good with the way things are rolling.

I believe a big part of that is the change in the football rivalry.  When I was little, I used to try and find anything to try and deflect the fact that our rivals were tearing our rear ends up on the football field.  We would land great skill position players that would draw headlines.  We would pretend that we were now focused on the conference.  We would say that the rivalry was an aging relic to be moved or ignored.  We hired Coaches that were big on talk, motivation and publicity stunts, but low on wins against our in-state brethren. 

Meanwhile, the Tigers were a machine, landing unheralded linemen, defensive depth and filling what they actually needed.  They had a football program and we had a media carnival.  While we were out making fools of ourselves, desperate for attention and saying, “Hey yall watch this,” they were focused on consistency, running the football, controlling the lines of scrimmage and a ferocious defense.  They were beating us and letting the rest take care of itself.  In other words, we were the sizzle but they were the steak.  I am so glad that the roles have reversed themselves. 

Growing up in a small town, I would go to Yuletide get togethers.  I remember watching the body language on my Tiger friends as they would smile, watch us bend ourselves into pretzels explaining why it didn’t matter that they had just beaten us again.  Oh, the countless times I would be having some eggnog and I would get that condescending pat on the shoulder as one of my compadres of orange ilk would come up and say something nice about Robert Brooks, Kalimba Edwards or whoever the headline grabbing player of the day was for us. 

Now for the second straight Christmas, I will be listening to them make the case over and over that “other things” make up for three years of getting mauled by your rival.  They will point to recruiting with a hopeful longing.  (Just like we used to do over and over and over again.)  Meanwhile we can thankfully just smile or chuckle quietly and move on to the next Tiger friend, patting them on the back, complimenting Sammy Watkins and wishing them luck in their bowl game.  I have been where they are and I don’t want to go back.  It’s much better from this side of the Chrismas Cocktails. 

We will miss you Melvin Ingram! What a year!

I think almost every Gamecock fan has big #6, Melvin Ingram, as their choice for the team’s most valuable player in 2011.  I am sure a few might would choose Antonio Allen or Connor Shaw but honestly Ingram was the heart and soul of this year’s football team. 

 

M. Ingram scored touchdown on fake punt vs. Georgia.

Think about the adversity this team went through from where the year began until now.  USC came into the year perched on the preseason hype surrounding a 5th-year Senior QB, and two preseason All-American/Heisman Hopefuls at RB and WR.  Meanwhile, Ingram had to enter his senior campaign hearing all about a freshman recruit at his position in Jadeveon Clowney.   

Ingram didn’t whine or pout about the lack of attention and embraced the new young star into the fold.  He strapped on his helmet and started a journey that very quietly may be remembered as one of the finest seasons from a DL that has ever been played.  

An obvious place to start is the Georgia game in Athens.  Ask any Bulldog or Gamecock fan who saw that contest, “Who was the MVP?”  Outside of the drunk guy in the red pants who would answer “Herschel” everyone would point to #6.  Ingram introduced himself to the nation with a fake punt that electrified the Gamecock fans and changed the momentum of the game.  Late in the game, after Carolina had re-taken the lead, Ingram picked up a fumble and jogged into the end zone with the touchdown that gave the Gamecocks a 10-point lead and really put it away. 

Other “highlight” plays would follow including a big fumble recovery against Vandy for a Touchdown, but what started out as sizzle in Athens turned into filet mignon the rest of the way via sacks and QB pressures.  Ingram was a nightmare for any Offensive Coordinator having to gameplan against USC.  The patriarch of a front four that produced an almost manic intensity on the field, Ingram’s name was announced on the PA time after time following big moments when the defense needed a stop.  

The culmination came against Clemson on Senior Day.  Tiger QB Tajh Boyd is probably still waking up in cold sweats thanking the heavens that Ingram will be playing on Sunday next year.  Virginia Tech’s defense must have seemed like a stroll in the park by comparison after that beating.    

If Ingram is not named an All-American, then those who make that list have their collective heads in the sand.  I have watched Emmanuel Weaver, Rickey Hagood, Derrick Little, Andrew Provence, Frank Wright, Roy Hart, Cleveland Pinckney, George Gause and scores of others over the years in Columbia.  Find me a season from any of them that match the 2011 just produced by Ingram.  Can’t be done.  

We’ll miss you #6!!

Fantastic season deserves the “Citrus” Bowl

"OLD SCHOOL"  CITRUS BOWL!

Yes, I am old-school enough to where I still refer to certain bowls by their original names, so for me the Capital One Bowl is still the Citrus on the Cockabooster.  The matchup with #20 Nebraska may as well be another BCS bowl, as it is better than a couple of the BCS matchups by ranking, and is the high-profile type of setting that the 2011 season demanded for Carolina.

The SEC gives you both its good and its bad when you’re a member. The good news is that the Gamecocks are #9 in the nation, have 15 or 16 starters returning next year and sit with a program in better shape than it has ever enjoyed as we speak.  The bad news is that USC is 4th in the SEC even with all of that.  The bottom line is that it was an incredible year in the SEC West, no question about it. 

So as we now begin the road to Orlando for the big game, all eyes will be on Steve Spurrier.  The Head Ball Coach typically treats non-BCS bowls with disinterest and boredom. Exhibits A and B of this were the Papa John’s Bowl and Outback Bowl in recent years.  Based on that, Gamecock fans might be worried that another lackluster month of preparation is upcoming.  I say not so fast due to one main reason:  History.  Carolina has never won 11 games in a football season.  Nothing motivates Spurrier for a football game more than having the chance to do something that hasn’t happened before.  If you agree with that, then a win over Nebraska has to be something on his radar. 

Which team is the better Gamecock squad, 1984 or 2011?  You younger folks who didn’t see the year of the Black Magic will have a hard time being objective.  For those of us who lived through that special year, the memories will always be something that keeps the campaign in the discussion.  Maybe it’s clear that 2011 was better, but one way to wipe out all discussion would be 11 wins for this team. 

But it’s not just the football team that is smiling as we head to the end of 2011.  The baseball team got things rolling in the spring with a 2nd straight national championship.  Now the football team has had the big fall.  Finally, to put a big cherry on the sundae, Darrin Horn’s Gamecock Basketball team arose from the ashes and humiliated the ACC’s Clemson Tigers in Littlejohn Coliseum on Sunday afternoon 58-55.  During the game, Clemson honored their football team who had just been mauled in Columbia a week earlier by three touchdowns, USC’s third straight gridiron victory in the series!   

You can’t make this stuff up (unless you’re at the Cockabooster), and that’s why I say now more than ever, it’s a GREAT time to be a Gamecock!

THE CRANKSHAFT GAZETTE: Dabo Swinney now personally offended at everything not said by Steve Spurrier

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --

Clemson football Coach Dabo Swinney, badly in need of a media distraction and a Public Relations stunt to fire up his fan base, is now going to be offended on behalf of Clemson by misquoting folks left and right. He tested the water by attributing a quote from former Gamecock QB Todd Ellis to Steve Spurrier. “I had to see if my fans were going to buy this. I can see they are MORE than ready to believe whatever I say as long as I am misquoting someone from South Carolina,” Swinney said. “Sure, Will Merritt, Rodney Williams and Mike Eppley have made fun of our rivals for years but what the heck? It’s working.”

Since he mastered the formula, Swinney has gone bananas. “I hear Steve Spurrier flew on a military plane and declared the Iraq War over with a ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner. My kids and grandkids will NEVER live long enough to see that finished. So I guess I agree with Spurrier. Iraq is no United States and the United States is no Clemson. Tweet that!” 

Dabo then proceeded to attribute other random quotes to the Gamecocks and Spurrier. “I heard Coach Spurrier thinks ‘we have nothing to fear but fear itself?’ I am disappointed to hear that because I have a lot of respect for him. If you ask me, Gamecocks have always had fear to fear, and we ain’t nobody’s fear, you hear? Dadgummit I stand up for my team!” When asked how FDR’s quote from the depression era related to his program, Swinney flipped us the bird and said, “We ain’t depressed. We got greatness. One dream. WORD!” 

Realizing that he was starting to really stretch it, Swinney doubled-down the gauntlet at Spurrier one more time. “Any man that would sit there and accuse me of becoming the man he wanted to marry needs to back off,” Swinney yelled through spittle with a confused look, butchering the famous quote from Gloria Steinem. “Don’t attack my program and then pretend you are in Chapel Hill. Or Los Angeles. Clemson is woman, hear us roar!” 

Clemson's Athletic Director Terry Don Phillips then quickly tackled the Coach and injected a healthy dose of valium into his system, promising that Dabo would only be allowed to speak in public in the future under heavy medication.

BLAST FROM THE PAST: NEBRASKA 30, SOUTH CAROLINA 21 -- October 3, 1987

South Carolina and Nebraska met twice in the 1980s and both times the Huskers prevailed.  The very close loss at Williams-Brice Stadium in 1986 may have been a more “exciting” game for Gamecock fans to remember as a late turnover cost us the game, but for me I will always have fond memories of the 1987 contest in Lincoln. 

Carolina had just come off of a VERY frustrating loss in Athens that season, having dominated Georgia and lost 13-6.  Although this game would also end in a loss, the Black Death defense found an identity and the Gamecocks discovered just how much big-play octane they had in the tank. 

Todd Ellis rolled out, turned around and threw back the other way deep to Ryan Bethea for 35 yards to get us on the board and grab the lead at 7-6. Nebraska took a 13-7 lead into the half. 

Sterling Sharpe and Bethea gave Gamecock fans one of the most exciting 3rd quarters ever to grab the lead back and position USC for the upset.  On Carolina’s first play of the second half, Ellis fired over the middle to Sharpe who pranced 80 yards for a touchdown and the score was 14-13.  Nebraska fumbled on their next possession and Ryan Bethea came around on a reverse from 17 yards to make it 21-13.

Carolina’s blitzing defense proceeded to hammer Husker QB Steve Taylor until he left the game but that might have actually been a bad thing.  When Nebraska went to their backup QB Clete Blakeman, they started focusing on giving the ball to Keith “End Zone” Jones and the stout Gamecock D was worn down. 

Carolina went on to a very successful 8-4 campaign and a bid to the Gator Bowl.

MOO U News: Dabo asks to be named Emporer of Clemson

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

The Clemson Football team rushed back to Tigertown following their ACC title win over Virginia Tech and made it back just in time to see Clemson lose to South Carolina in basketball.  During that very funny well-timed bit of just desserts comedy, the team was honored at halftime wearing purple jerseys, which Coach Swinney said meant they were “royalty.”  Seriously.  

After the game he clarified what he meant.  “Oh, I meant royalty baby and I am your King.  You know what?  Emporer.  Make it Emporer!  I have done more for Clemson football than anyone and I want the proper respect for that.  When we reminded Swinney that Clemson had actually won a national title in 1981 under Coach Danny Ford, Swinney shot us the bird, downed a Red Bull and put on a crown he had made from empty Bud Light cases.  “Why drive a Ford when a Cadillac is in the purple garage, b*****s?”

MOO U NEWS: ESPN’s Colin Cowherd rails on Clemson--Swinney blames Spurrier

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

ESPN’s host of “The Herd,” Colin Cowherd, ripped into the non-SEC conferences this week and had some pointed words for Clemson.  "The 4 best defenses in the country are LSU, Alabama, South Carolina, and Georgia. And people say it's because SEC doesn't have great offenses. Really? If they don't have great offenses, how was LSU able to drag Oregon and West Virginia all over the field? How could South Carolina lose their QB and RB and still hang 34 points on Clemson?"  A caller, with a northern accent, then called in and said, "I think non-SEC conferences get more than they deserve. The ACC champ couldn't beat the 4th best SEC team. South Carolina should be in a BCS game, not Clemson". Then, Cowherd said, "Yeah, Clemson can beat Virginia Tech as many times as they want, but ask them if they want another piece of South Carolina."

ESPN's Colin Cowherd

Cowherd’s words were not taken lightly by Tiger Football Coach Dabo Swinney, who immediately attributed them to Steve Spurrier.  “If Coach Spurrier said that, then I am disappointed to hear that.”  Swinney then went on to cite the same facts from the 1950s that he did last week.  When told that he was misquoted yet again by his rival from the Upstate, a shirtless Coach Spurrier popped open a Coors and said, “You can’t fix stupid.” 

 

(EDITOR’S NOTE JUST FOR COACH SWINNEY:  Dabo, this is a satire blog.  Please realize that Coach Spurrier didn’t actually say these words, and you didn’t say the ones from you either.  This is a joke article, so please don’t misquote yourself.) 

USC Gamecocks to play the Nebraska Cornhuskers on January 2nd in Captial One Bowl...

It's official...the USC Gamecocks to play the Nebraska Cornhuskers on January 2nd in Captial One Bowl...READ MORE HERE...
http://www.gamecocksonline.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/120411aad.html 

Dabo: The new Danny Ford? Nah, just the new Frank Howard?

Clemson Coach Dabo Swinney went on an insane rant about the Gamecocks and Steve Spurrier this week.  As most people have surmised, it was 99.9% media theatre designed to toss some much-needed red meat to a hurting Clemson fan base and to get them fired up for Saturday’s “World’s Sexiest Aardvark” Pageant, aka the ACC Championship.  It appears to have worked on both counts. 

Besides being the first Tigger head coach to start 1-3 against USC in 77 years, Swinney has now officially set himself on a path to leave a permanent mark on the rivalry.  Tiger fans will hope against hope that he is the second coming of Danny Ford, but really I see Dabo as transforming into the modern version of Frank Howard.  Now that Swinney has decided to drop all filters when speaking about the rivalry despite having a losing record against the Gamecocks, you can see why.  

Maybe other than Pitchfork Ben Tillman, no one did more to add spice and energy to the Carolina-Clemson rivalry than Coach Howard.  He never did get over having a losing record against Carolina, and he always had a “colorful” and stinging remark about USC as a result.  A man who understood how to work the media, Coach Howard will always be remembered for his “paw print” on the Palmetto State’s annual gridiron war.  

Now before anyone screams that Dabo has yet to accomplish anything that Coach Howard did at Clemson (ACC titles, big bowl wins, etc), don’t misunderstand.  I get that he is not there yet.  I am saying that he will certainly have ample opportunity now that he has chosen this inflammatory media route.  Assuming he keeps up his current pattern, who is to say his tenure at Clemson won’t be a “success” even if he fails against the Gamecocks?  

For instance, this week’s tactics very well could fire Clemson up to a zenith that leads to a repeat win against Va. Tech on Saturday.  Like hyper tree frogs, Tiger fans would leap on that and instantly pretend the rivalry game never happened.  Then since the Orange Bowl is where the BCS will be sending their “have to take them” teams to play in a largely anonymous setting, I could easily see the Moo-Moos drawing an easy opponent and winning that game too.  Just imagine the collective tongue bath that would be happening in the upstate following that if it happens.  

If not, Dabo will come up with some new slogan to feed the masses for 2012.  We’ve gone through All In, One Dream, Greatness in us, Chicken in Every Pot, I like Ike, Free Nelson Mandela, Got Milk, Hakuna MaTigers and goodness knows how many more during the Swinney era.  

Say what you want about Swinney, but there is no question about this:  Dat Boy ain’t boring.  We could be enjoying Frank Howard, the sequel without even knowing it.