Both The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag played to a tie again this week...but this time they both opened up the offense and each received the full 20 points...They both picked the winners of both games and they both and won against the spread in both games! So, we move on to WEEK 6...Here are your match-ups for this week!
Monday, September 30, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 5 Scoreboard
Both The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag played to a tie again this week...but this time they both opened up the offense and each received the full 20 points...They both picked the winners of both games and they both and won against the spread in both games! So, we move on to WEEK 6...Here are your match-ups for this week!
Gamecock fans need to grow up!
I have said it before and I will say it again…Clemson fans
are always 1 game away from their next winning streak and Gamecock fans are
always 1 game away from their next losing streak. I use this blog to have fun ripping those of
orange ilk as you know, and I will continue that later this week. But for now I want to go all “Dr. Phil” on us
USC fans.
South Carolina has one of the youngest teams in the nation
this fall and we have played undeniably one of the toughest schedules. A team with all-new linebackers and mostly
new defensive backs has had to face 3 quarterbacks that are likely headed to
the NFL. And (GASP) we gave up more
points than we wanted to and we have some weak spots! Well HELLS BELLS! What a Shock!
Now I will admit that things are not perfect but COME
ON! USC fans should feel pretty good
after going through such a stretch and emerging 3-1 and being ranked at least
in the top 13. But NOOOOOO, instead we
are all swimming in some negative pool of bitter self-pity and scared to death
of the rest of the season.
Tell me one game on the remainder of the schedule that we
cannot win. If you’re being honest, you
can’t. If your first reaction to that
was anything related to “well we could lose them too,” then you need to
seriously ask yourself why you waste time being a fan. OF COURSE we could still lose games. We don’t get to play a bunch of high schools
and 1 or 2 good teams at home. You have
to be in the ACC for that. We’re in the
Big Boy Conference, where you have to play tough road games, your players get
hurt and nothing is ever easy.
Yes, we lost to Jawja on the road after they had a must-win
perfect game, and we made some crucial mistakes. It happens and yes, the East is likely off
the table now. Yes, our orange neighbors
beat said dawgs at home the week before while UGA was focused on us and the
Klimpletons played a perfect game. And
yes, that meant that the Tiggers will likely be unbeaten when they come to
Columbia in November.
So the question is very simple: Are we going to suck it up and win anyway, or
continue to act like a bunch of petulant children who had a toy taken from
them? I hope the team views the rest of
the season as an opportunity to go 13-1 because that could still happen. If your first reaction to that sentence was
anything close to “but we can’t win the East now so we won’t play but 13
games,” then see the above paragraph about asking yourself why you’re a
fan.
Personally, I think rather than sitting around in cringed
fear waiting for a shoe to drop, how about instead we focus on beating Kentucky
to prepare for our final three road games?
Because If we take the Droopy Dog approach moving forward and whine
about every dadgum thing on earth, then congratulations, the negativity will be
rewarded and we will get dinged at some point with more losses.
How about growing up and rallying
around the team? Let’s get focused for
once on the positives and admit to ourselves that Kentucky, Arkansas,
Tennessee, Mizzou, Miss. State, Florida, Coastal and Clemson isn’t exactly murderers row. I’ll even throw in one small acknowledgement
for the haplessly negative who just have to hear it before they can stop
wetting themselves: yes, some of them
are very good teams. Feel better? I hope so, but I also say that we’re better
than all of them IF we play like we’re capable of playing.
And that is why it is important to view the final 2/3 of the
schedule as an OPPORTUNITY to go 11-1 as opposed to walking a land mine scared
out of our minds of an INEVITABLE failure.
Mentality matters and we as fans aren’t doing our part to help this
program. And that’s a fact. So stop it and get behind the team. Or just go do something else. Please.
It’s a great time to be a Gamecock (or at least it SHOULD
be)!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 5
Weekend of September 28, 2013
COCK-A-BOOSTER:
This game is just vintage South Carolina. We play a team with a lot of legitimate
weapons on offense on their field at a time when we’re not playing all that
well. So sure, OF COURSE we could go
down there and lose. Heck, if Central
Florida were just a little bit better I would even say this was a matchup
worthy of earning Shaw his 1st signature road win, but I
digress. So no matter how much the media
would like for USC to be “looking past” the Knights, it just ain’t true. Win or lose on Saturday, all Gamecocks
understand that this is a good football team and it is going to be VERY
tight.
I see a “buzzsaw” type of start from the home team that gets
them an early lead. Maybe 14-3 or
something like that. If Carolina follows
their script it will take us most of the first half to get rolling. But UCF’s defense also has to play this
weekend and they are NOT very good. So
we will be able to score enough to survive the home “atmosphere.”
We are scared to death but come home
from Orlando 3-1. Right where most folks
predicted before the year started.
South Carolina 24,
Central Florida 21
Central Florida 21
THE TIGERSWAG:
In listening to the media & pundits, one word is
continually used: trap. Everyone thinks
this could be a "trap" game for the mighty Spurriers. Noon start.
Road game. Florida talent. Questionable academics. Backup school. Doctored resumes. And that's just the visiting team...
And while many of the talking heads will use
"trap", I don't think it is all that appropriate. To me, a "trap" game is one in
which the underdog has no chance of winning unless a perfect storm of apathy,
turnovers, & karma all fall their way.
That doesn't need to happen here for UCF to pull off the upset.
Last year, Connor Shaw struggled on the road, going 2-2 with
wins over Vandy & Kentucky. But even
the wins weren't spectacular as at the half, USC was tied with Vandy and
trailed Kentucky. Additionally, a clearly less than 100% Marcus
Lattimore had better rushing numbers than Shaw had passing.
That kind of offensive performance won't fly against
UCF. In fact, UCF has speed that neither
Vandy nor Kentucky
possesses. Will that speed and skill
position talent translate to a win? No,
but it will make things very interesting.
More than most USC fans will want to experience.
In the end, the talent and depth of USC ekes out a win. And the traveling jorts are able to enjoy
their trip to Disney.
South Carolina
27
Central Florida 21
_______________________________________________________________
COCK-A-BOOSTER:
The All Hat No Cattle brigade from the Upstate will continue
their cupcake tour this weekend. Thanks
to Georgia predictably vomiting on the road and then “renaissancing” at home
against us, the almost annual “Clemson beats someone from the SEC who beats
Carolina” thing has those in orange all aflutter again.
Those awash in the hype will enjoy this week as the
Klimpletons will now begin hyping up the ACC’s high school teams as they head
to their other game with a pulse against FSU.
The Tigers will have an easy day of it, give Kirk Herbie a
tingle or two in his leg and have Dabo the Crazy spouting things about how you
can’t dream about beating Wake until they dream about greatness. And as we saw in Raleigh if things get close
the convenient whistle or two will protect as insurance.
Clemson 52
Wake
Forest 23
THE TIGERSWAG:
Most everyone thought last week would be the weekend the
Clemson offensive finds it rhythm. In
fact, most people were expecting a shootout similar to last year's game in
Clemson, where the teams combined for 110 total points. Instead, we saw the Clemson defense man up
and take control of the game.
But there is not better salvo for an out of sorts offense
like Wake Forest.
Last year Clemson posted the first 35 points of the game en route to a
29 point win. Look for a similar
offensive performance this week, but with Morris and the coaching staff still
chucking the ball around the field into the fourth quarter to get the starters
more reps.
On the other side, the Clemson defense will pressure the
10th year senior Tanner Price into a few mistakes, though he may hit on a big
play or two. In the end, the secondary
has a solid game, allowing the D-line to record a few sacks and the crowd to
remain energized.
Clemson 51
Wake
Forest 20
_______________________________________________________________
READ MORE FROM THE COCK-A-BOOSTER HERE.
READ MORE FROM THE TIGER SWAG HERE.
_______________________________________________________________
Monday, September 23, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 4 Scoreboard
Both The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag played to another 3-3 tie this week...Maybe these two need to fire their offensive coordinators and go to the the "Hurry-Up-No-Huddle" approach. Both picked Clemson to win and to cover the 14.5 point spread. Clemson won the game but they did not cover the spread. Well let's get ready for this weekend...Both teams will be back in action! Here are your match-ups!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Cock-A-Booster's Crystal Ball says...
DATE: Games for the week of September 21, 2013
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
The garnet Spartans from Lower Alabama march into Magnolia
Country on Saturday, prepared to capture some maroon K9s on a leash. The home howlers have been neutered so far
this fall, they hope to regain their bark instead. The puppies will survive but not before some
unexpected howling is heard from the water dish.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Mississippi State by 3
__________________________________________________________________________________
The Knoxville Hillbilly Brigade will invade the Citrus Bogs
this weekend, hoping to put some Gainesville Crocodiles on the gridiron
griddle. The home lizards have some
swampy traps set for the attack, and they should withstand the Smokey Mountain
Muskets.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Florida by 8
__________________________________________________________________________________
North Texas at Georgia
Mark Richt and his overrated howlers open up the Athens Alpo Hut on Saturday, and they plan to sink their jowls into Denton’s angriest emerald birds. The road chirpers may be in a fowl mood but they won’t have long enough talons to make the barkers surrender.
Mark Richt and his overrated howlers open up the Athens Alpo Hut on Saturday, and they plan to sink their jowls into Denton’s angriest emerald birds. The road chirpers may be in a fowl mood but they won’t have long enough talons to make the barkers surrender.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Georgia by 17
__________________________________________________________________________________
Arkansas at Rutgers
Bret Bielema and his red piglets squeal out of the Ozark
trough on Saturday, hoping to root up some truffles at Bon Jovi Stadium. The Exit 12 Cavaliers have some tough lances
in their jousting den, and they are
hoping the odor from the shore is even offensive to those of porcine ilk.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Arkansas by 5
__________________________________________________________________________________
Auburn at LSU
The refurbished felines of Gus Malzhan take their new and
improved kitten show into the Bayou this weekend, hoping to be the strongest
cats in the Red Stick Scratching Post.
Les Miles will have the Baton Roues Boozers whipped into a frenzy, but
they better watch out. War Eagle may not
be fully healed, but they have some pigskin claws to show off.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... LSU by 7
__________________________________________________________________________________
Clemson at NC State
Dabo the crazy and his purple kittens prowl into Fake BBQ
land on Thursday and they’ll find a pack of Raleigh Coyotes waiting to
pounce. The lucky lions are leading a
charmed life so far this fall, and that should continue for a little bit
longer. The Carter-Finlay howlers will
make some noise early, but get carved up as the night rolls along.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Clemson by 24
__________________________________________________________________________________
In one other game...The CRYSTAL BALL says go with...Missouri, Vandy, Arkansas, Texas A&M, and Alabama
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 4
Weekend of September 21, 2013
COCK-A-BOOSTER:
If this were a normal year I would have this circled as a
stub your toe game for Clemson, but the Tiggers are still leading a charmed
life right now and State’s QB is out.
Basically, the Klimpletons are down to 2 meaningful games on the slate
for this year. The good news for them is
that thanks to getting Jawja at home where their QB always falters, and
catching LSU napping in the Peach the whole world is drinking the orange
kool-aid.
The wake-up call will have to come later to end that
fantasy, but for this week it will live on.
Tajh Boyd will get to talk about himself in the third person a lot and
Dabo the crazy will continue to hop around like a jack-rabbit on steroids.
State will try and make a nice showing early and maybe even
capture an early lead. But Sammy is
probably on coke instead of pot right now to make sure he is extra-fast. Too much South Florida purchased talent from
the Tiggers spells a big number on the board when this one is complete.
Clemson 44
NC State 20
Clemson 44
NC State 20
THE TIGERSWAG:
When Clemson travels to Raleigh for their Thursday night ACC opener,
Clemson will be battling a number of foes.
First, and foremost, Clemson will do business with the Wolfpack. Secondly, they must battle themselves. Many of this week's questions have centered
on the 2011 game, where a Top 10 Clemson team laid an absolute egg. More than a few of these players were on
that, and they're having to relive that game.
Thirdly, Clemson will be battling the national media. The term "Clemsoning" or
"Pulling a Clemson" was coined a few years ago and the Tigers opening
weekend and fast start has only added fuel to the fire as the world waits for
Clemson to do something every other team in college football does - lose.
And with all this negativity, a perfect storm seems to be brewing
over Raleigh . Throw in the fact that NC State plays really
well at Carter-Finley, they have a history of pulling upsets (the last ranked
team to play at CF was also ranked #3 - and left with an L), and the locals are
getting behind the team; and you can see why some people may be worried.
But Clemson catches a break by playing NC State so early in
the season. They have a new coach,
injured QB, and lack of confidence stemming for their narrow escape over Richmond . Meanwhile, Clemson comes in with dreams of Pasadena and riding the momentum of the Georgia win.
If Clemson can find an offensive rhythm early, this game
could be over by halftime. If the
Clemson defense can control the line of scrimmage and make some stops, this
game could put Boyd, Watkins, & Co. back atop the Heisman polls. If Clemson can take the crowd out of the
game, the SEC booth may be forced to praise a non-SEC team. If Clemson gets a few turnovers, a really
special season begins to take shape.
If Clemson doesn't do those things. If they don't find a rhythm, if they don't
get stops, if they get owned at the line of scrimmage, if they give the ball up
rather than take, if they keep the crowd alive, then 2011 is very capable of
happening again. And we will need to
learn to deal with the cliché "Pulling a Clemson".
But don't worry about the latter, as Clemson comes out
focused and ready to fulfill their dreams.
They are aggressive on offense and attack on defense. They set the tone early and continue to pile
up big numbers, and the nation takes notice.
This year's Textile Bowl goes the way of the orange. And big.
Orange Textiles 44
Red Textiles 20
Red Textiles 20
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 3 Scoreboard
It doesn't take a Vandy grad to figure out the score of CLAWS vs. PAWS this week. Add 3 points to both sides and you get...
Both The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag played to a 3-3 tie this week.. Both picked South Carolina to win and to cover the 11 point spread. The Doors had other ideas...scoring a few touchdowns in the last quarter to cost both of our fearless pickers 7 points each. So, add three to each side and The Cock-A-Booster continues to maintain his 10 point margin going into this week's game....speaking of this week...only Clemson is playing. USC will be taking a week off.
Clemson is playing at NC State and is favored by 14.5 points.
|
Top 10 signs Vanderbilt Fans are in your stadium...
10. They are amazed and frightened by an
“upper deck” at a football stadium
9. Their flasks are filled with P. G.
Tips and Typhoo instead of Bourbon
8. In lieu of a game program, Vandy fans
pass timeouts reading Tolstoy.
7. Concerned that concession stands had
no spreadable marmalades or Minnie Pearl hats.
5. Numerous
references to UT-Knoxville as a state-owned landfill.
4. Following the game, their only concern was
pointing out that they played as well as any Ivy League school would have.
3. Claims
that God could never be a PhD at Vandy because he only had one publication and
no references.
2. They were excited when U2 came to
Vanderbilt Stadium, because they were only a 7-point underdog that night.
1. Think
James Franklin’s glasses are “retro-cute.”
Carolina Student Section left game early due to Geopolitical Concerns
Gamecock
students came under fire from Connor Shaw and others for leaving the Vanderbilt
game early on Saturday night. However,
an informal exit poll showed that international concerns were the reason. “Vladimir Putin’s recent Op-Ed in the New
York Times was very disturbing,” noted Engineering Major and Sophomore Caitlyn
Vending. “I just couldn’t sit there and
continue to watch football knowing that Al Qaeda is telling Syrian fighters to
shun secularists. I wanted to discuss
this with some classmates in Five Points immediately.”
Junior
Kenneth Denimbrosky agreed, saying that everyone on campus is just nervous
about the nation’s foreign policy. “Hey,
India is retesting missles that can reach China and Hurricane Ingrid is forming
in Mexico. That is why we bailed. Not because we want to get hammered at Group
Therapy or Locals.”
The strangest season I have ever seen? Maybe.
Let’s be clear about last night’s win over Vanderbilt by USC…the Gamecocks were in total control of the game from start to finish. That includes both building the lead AND tearing it down with mistakes. So with all due respect to the Commodores, they had very little to say about what happened. When we were focused and playing like we can, we were up 28-0 and they didn’t have 100 yards. Now, once we decided to start giving away touchdowns like candy, of course it got tight. Anyway, that was a Vandy team that had 14 seniors starting out of 22 and they took advantage of our blunders.
So after three games and about a million exhaustive hours of
listening to Freudian-like psycho-analysis of the Gamecocks from the National
Sports media, we are right where most of us thought we would be. Our 2-1 record includes a loss to a desperate
team on the road with a Senior QB who HAD to play a perfect game against us and
did.
So now we’ll get two weeks of folks guaranteeing we will
lose to Central Florida because they beat Penn State. And, yes, if we go to Orlando, make a fresh
bucket of unforced errors and get all “panicky” then of course we will
lose. More likely is that we will
continue to get better, those mistakes will be reduced and we start rolling off
a few wins.
News flash to anyone who couldn’t read a depth chart before
the season started: We are the youngest
football team in the United States.
That’s not theory or spin, that is a fact. We have less than 10 seniors on the entire
depth chart. It may be as few as 5.
Possibly 6 but certainly less than 10.
Assuming our injured senior center returns, we will lose 6 starters for
next fall. And yes I am including
Clowney in that number even though he is a junior. 6.
So why is everyone so unbelievably STUNNED that these young
guys have had the UNMITIGATED TEMERITY to make a few errors as they get a few
games under their belts? I expect that
kind of reaction from ESPN and our deluded neighbors from the northwest, but I
mean Gamecock fans. Look if you were one
of the Carolina folks who swallowed the tripe that USC would not in any way
miss losing Devin Taylor, Melvin Ingram, Devnonte Holloman, Antonio Allen,
Stephon Gilmore, etc, etc, then I am sorry.
I have no doubt the next great
names to add to that list are coming but my goodness it takes a few weeks of
experience to get rolling.
We are just a few years removed from a program that used to
have joyous celebrations over 7-win seasons.
I know because I have all the commemorative DVDs and tapes. And now, instead of enjoying this 24-5 streak
we are enduring it like it’s a root canal.
How about let’s just enjoy the ride as our younger guys grow? What a long, strange season it has been and
will continue to be if we don’t.
Friday, September 13, 2013
CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 3
Weekend of September 14, 2013
COCK-A-BOOSTER:
The typical overreaction to the Gamecocks losing at Georgia
mirrors only the overhyping of Carolina heading into the season. The same thing is happening up in Tigger-Town and that will be fun to deal with later but I
digress… Anyway, what it all means is
that everyone has now just completely WRITTEN OFF USC and left us for
dead. Frankly, I think that is where we
need to always be because we play a lot better under those circumstances.
So does that mean I am predicting a blow-out on
Saturday? Kind of, yes. First of all,
Shaw is a MUCH different quarterback at home as I’ve discussed. He doesn’t lose in Columbia. Add in that he made the key mistake in Athens
last week despite an otherwise GREAT effort and I bet he’ll come out
slinging. I know we have questions about
the defense and as predicted they are mostly centered on our brand new
linebackers. The Cockabooster was
exhaustively trying to talk about that to no avail in the summer. And Vandy has over 15 seniors starting so
this is an experienced Commodores team.
While my buddy over at The Tiger Swag has been getting
intoxicated off of the fool’s gold punch old Dabbles is peddling up yonder, I
have quietly built a 10-point lead in this contest so if I am going to gamble,
this is the week. I think Carolina wins
after a very uncomfortable 1st half.
We will get a late score that will cover the spread. Carolina is only going to get better after
Athens and it will start on Saturday.
South Carolina 34, Vandy
21
THE TIGERSWAG:
South Carolina
31, Vanderbilt 13
THE TIGERSWAG:
Storylines this week:
- USC fans finding more excuses than yards they gave up
- Eillington mad at the sun for shining each day
- Clowney upset at defensive coaches for costing him the Heisman
- Defensive coaches mad at each other for having to coach with Spurrier
- Spurrier not sure Vandy is maintaining proper standards. No response from Vandy
- Ron Morris not sure Spurrier is maintaining proper standards
- Spurrier response? Fire Ron Morris for destroying the "Sticks and Stones" myth
- The State giving Ron Morris a pseudo bonus by removing him from the USC beat
- The State bowing to journalistic pressure and forcing Morris back on the USC beat
Oh, and by the way, Vanderbilt is coming to town, which
nobody seems to be talking about. And
this ain't your mama's Vandy...
This game won't be close.
Either USC uses the pain and embarrassment from last week to completely
destroy Vandy. Or Vandy strolls into
Billy Brice and out of town with the keys to Cocky's jail cell. Either way, it won't be much of a game.
Fortunately for USC, there is too much talent at the line of
scrimmage for Vandy to pull the upset. Spurrier
2.0 will run the ball twice as much as he throws, and the ground game will wear
out Franklin 's
Commodores.
Now, we said the same thing back in 2006 & 2007, and USC
managed to lose those game, but I don't think it will happen this year.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Cock-A-Booster's CRYSTAL BALL says...
DATE: Games for the week of September 14, 2013
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
Some stout red birds from horse country flock into
hoops-ville this weekend, hoping to peck away at some wilting kittens. The Adolph Rupp Meows will come out
scratching and will purr a bit early, but more fur will be shed than feathers
when the day is done.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Louisville by 15
__________________________________________________________________________________
Some Smokey Mountain Hillbillies will be invading the Donald
Duck Western Spa on Saturday, hoping to aim their muskets at some web-footed
waddlers. The pot-smoking quackers have very strong bills, and they
will withstand the attack with little effort.
The Autzen Pond will barely see any ripples in the water, and the
Portland Plumage will remain in tact.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Oregon by 31
__________________________________________________________________________________
The Maroon Magnolia Jowlers will trot out of Starkville on
this weekend, ready to paw into the East Alabama Scratching Post and capture
the home kittens. The Gritty Gusses are
hissing quite loudly so far, and that just might continue. Oh my goodness, could we see, those old War
Eagles perched with win #3?
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Auburn by 5
__________________________________________________________________________________
Mack Brown and his de-horned cows open up the Austin Ranches
this weekend, hoping to add some Hot Toddy to the feed mix. Colonel Sanders is carrying a sturdier
walking stick of late, and has no intention of just rocking on the porch. Could be steak on the menu when this one is
done.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Ole Miss in a mild upset by 4
__________________________________________________________________________________
Nick Saban and his elegant elephants storm into College
Station on Saturday, hoping to show the home gauchos their ivory hunt last fall
was a fluke. The red herd knows how to
lay a trampling on folks, and if the cowpokes aren’t careful, they will get
gored. The Cockabooster is buying the
home hype on this one.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Texas A & M by 2 in a big upset
__________________________________________________________________________________
James Franklin and the Nashville Boat Captains sail into
Columbia this weekend, hoping to dock their pigskin carrier at the Bluff Road
Chicken Plant. The head ball coach knows
the skippers are coming, and the puffed-up poultries will not be a welcoming
port. After some early discomfort, the
home birds should leave with their wings in tact.
The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... South Carolina by 13
__________________________________________________________________________________
In one other game...The CRYSTAL BALL says go with...Arkansas over Southern Miss.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Top 10 signs USC finally lost a game to Georgia
10. Bulldog Cheerleaders pulling out the Red
Man “Golden Blend” on Saturday night.
9. UGA Honor Students given free
“victory slap” of their sisters by the Athens Police.
8. The urine in downtown Athens was hosed
off of the vomit to help the celebration. (Tip of the cap to Triumph for this one.)
7. Dawgie Coeds wearing their best fake
teeth at the post-game tailgates.
6. REM now thinks they may have one more
record in them.
5. Aaron
Murray leaving the stadium to cheers...for once.
4. Clemson
fans pretending it was them.
3. Peach
State Waffle Houses expand their smoking sections to include the Juke Box.
2. Random barking by elderly women in
nursing homes up 478%.
1. Vince
Dooley seen clogging on top of the cement end zone dog.
CRANKSHAFT GAZZETTE: Spurrier has no idea who coaches at Vanderbilt
When asked this week what he thought about Carolina’s game against Vandy, Carolina’s Steve Spurrier spoke in general terms and avoided having to call the name of the Commodores’ coach (James Franklin). “Yeah, that guy up there is doing a great job. A great job. Yes Sir, old Captain Shiny Shoes is something else.” Spurrier says that he is too worried about his own team’s problems to concern himself with knowing everyone’s name. “Y’all always make such a big fuss about this and that. Is Jay Cutler still the coach up there? No. Well, no big deal. He’s an outstanding coach whoever he is. Mack Brown? Earl Bennett? “ Spurrier says that it won’t matter what the Coaches’ names are once the ball is kicked off Saturday night. “Vanderbilt always comes prepared to play and I am sure they will bring a crowd down here from Murfreesboro. “ When a member of the media said, “I think you mean Nashville Coach,” Spurrier just chuckled and cracked open a Coors. “Son this ain’t the Grand Ole Opry we’re playing.”
MOO U News: Kirk Herbstreit and Dabo are officially dating...
Kirk
Herbstreit of ESPN has fallen in love with Dabo Swinney, and he says this time
the relationship will be long-lasting.
“Dabo promises me he’s not going to break my heart again,” said Herbie,
who has fought it out with 94-year old Brent Musberger’s infatuation with
Alabama QB’s girlfriends for the Most Uncomfortable Crush on television.
Herbstreit
said it was hard to put away previous failed flirtations with the Tigers, and
he knows that he is setting himself up for failure again. But he says the time is right to make one
more go of it. “We are going to run the
table this year and to be honest we may never lose another football game.” When he was asked if he could handle it if
Clemson stubs their toe in 2013, Herbstreit welled up with tears. “DON’T YOU SAY THAT! QUIT SAYING SUCH AWFUL THINGS ABOUT MY
MAN! They are going undefeated and
that’s the last I will hear of it. LA
LA LA LA LA LA! I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you.”
When asked
how the knot was officially tied, Dabo said he took the ESPN analyst to the
Esso Club and treated him to a bottle of their finest Mad Dog. “You could tell when he sipped that 20/20
Orange that he was All In.” But just to
top it off, Swinney did a Karaoke version of “Try Again” by Champaign to help
seal the deal.
Now we will be fine
As predicted, Georgia played a flawless game and got the win
they absolutely had to have. Of COURSE
that was going to happen and you could see it coming a mile away. And it will mean nothing in October and
November. Similarly, Clemson is going
through a September peak similar to the one we saw when they beat Auburn and
then Auburn beat us. And it will mean
nothing in October and November.
I am sorry that so many Gamecock fans swallowed the hype
about how great we were and now they are mad that it wasn’t true. But the good news is that all of them are so
short-sighted that when we become the good team we will this season, they will
have forgotten all about the start.
As I said many times over the summer, we had several glaring
question marks for this fall if we were going to live up to the insane
publicity we were getting. Just because
that turned out to be fantasy does NOT mean we aren’t a great football
team. First I talked about our new
linebackers and that was crystal clear on Saturday. They are only going to get better over the
next few weeks. Second was my concern
about depth and experience at defensive back.
That was exposed at arguably the key moment in the game and gave the Pups
the score that put it out of reach.
Finally there was my concern about Shaw leading us to the
win between the hedges. I give him
credit for playing one hell of a game.
No question. And no, he was not
the reason we lost at all. But, having
said that, even when he is doing most things right he fumbles for no reason at
a crucial moment. Basically the only
things that we have “lost” due to Saturday are a shot at going unbeaten and
maybe the phantom pretend “Heisman” run by Clowney. That’s it.
So yes, I know it is insane to listen to the morons from
Dawgville and the Upstate this week.
They have been waiting so long for a chance to chirp about
anything. God bless ‘em. Just ignore them for now and they will take
care of themselves. They always do and
this year won’t be any different. Heck,
if every Georgia QB moving forward wants to go 1-3 against us, I can handle
that 1 win being his senior season.
Murray had the “last laugh” but we got almost all of them and I am good
with that. He leaves Athens as one of my
favorite Dawgie signal-callers ever. I
would love to watch him come back to Columbia next season and mentally implode
again, but alas he will be gone.
So Carolina may be fuming today, but the rest of the
schedule is winnable and that’s a fact.
It’s not “Clemson” easy, I will concede that, and yes, we have a three-game
stretch of road games to maneuver through.
But basically, yes, we “should” win the rest of the games on our
schedule. It starts with the next 3
games: Vandy, Central Florida and
Kentucky. Win those and we are 4-1
headed to Hogville, Rocky Top and Mizzou.
It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!
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