Friday, September 28, 2012

Dabo: “My speeding was caused by Steve Spurrier”

This is a FAKE story...Do not take it too serious!

Dabo Swinney, aka “Rev. Septober,” was recently forced to pay for a speeding ticket in Pickens County.  The coach finally addressed the matter this week, by attacking what he says is the root cause of his inability to drive the speed limit.  “Steve Spurrier caused my speeding.  I read a quote from him that inspired my foot to press too hard on the gas pedal.”
When asked to specify the quote that triggered the lawbreaking behavior from the Palmetto State’s loudest Christian, Swinney was ready:  “There are no speed limits on the road to excellence.”  It was then pointed out to the Coach that this quote is actually one from Educational Psychologist David W. Johnson, Dabo went berserk.  “No Sir!  It was Spurrier.  He hasn’t come out and flatly denied saying it so until he does that he said it.” 
Dabo then pointed out that he had a terrible life as a young man and that his Tigers are only 13 points from being undefeated. 

The Crystal Ball speaks...(week 5)

Arkansas at Texas A & M
The flailing piglets from the Ozarks roll into Cattle Country this weekend, hoping to change the BBQ gridiron meat of choice from Pork to Beef.  The Gallant Gauchos will have the Kyle Field Ranch ready to rope some squealing swine and all indications are it will be the other white meat for dinner when the day is done. 
The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says... Texas A & M by 8
Tennessee at Georgia
Derek Dooley and his Daniel Boone’s will take the Smoky Mountain Militia into Athens on Saturday, hoping to gun down the Red Clay Hounds before any bones are buried.   The Hedge Puppies have strong pigskin jowls this fall and may get too many chomps in on the hillbilly gunners before the shooting begins.      
The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says...  Georgia by 5

Ole Miss at Alabama
The Mint Juleps leave the Grove on Saturday, as the Oxford Gentlemen stroll into Tuscaloosa to dine on some local elephant instead.  They will find out that Nick Saban has other menu plans, and his Crimson Trumpets will be blowing loudly and often.  The Colonel Rebs will retreat back to the plantation with their mustaches trimmed.         
The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says...  Alabama by 28
Missouri at Central Florida
Gary Pinkle and his Golden Cats are in Citrus Country on Saturday, hoping to outduel the Mickey Mouse Jousters in time for a ride on Space Mountain.  The home horsemen will make this a bumpy affair, and may get a few licks in along the way.  But I think the visiting kittens will leave with Meow Mix still in the dish.   
The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says...  Missouri by 3
Clemson at Boston College
Reverend Septober and the Pickens Prowlers will speed into Chestnut Hills this weekend, and they intend to find some Beantown Birds for a gridiron snack.  The Clam Chowder Beeks will try and turn the visitors around at the Old North Bridge, but these visitors won’t be wearing redcoats.  And if Dabo is driving the team bus home, the Tiggers will be back home for dinner.      
The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says...  Clemson by 39
South Carolina at Kentucky
Joker Phillips and the Bluegrass Kittens will open up the Rupp Arena Scratching Post on Saturday, hoping to claw up some visiting Roosters from Richland County.  Steve Spurrier is in a “fowl” mood this week, and the traveling birds may be focused on an upcoming visit from some Peach State Pups.        

The Cockabooster Crystal Ball says...  South Carolina by 10

Other winners this weekend:  LSU and The U. S. Ryder Cup Team!


CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 5

Score after week 4. 

Weekend of September 28, 2012

Clemson at Boston College
(Clemson favored by 9.5) 


As everyone who doesn’t drown in orange catnip recognized about Clemson going into the fall, their line of scrimmage is weak and ripe to be exposed.  But, when you only play 2 or 3 teams who are worthy of playing Division 1 football on your whole schedule, it’s easy to pretend you’re actually flawless.  The good news for the Upstate Overall Brigade is that the Tigers don’t have anyone like that left on the schedule outside of South Carolina.  Oh, I realize that we will see Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech and N. C. State propped up in the next month or two to make it not seem that way but please…

Which leads me to Saturday’s ACC “masterpiece of the week” in Chestnut Hills.  Speed Racer Dabo knows he has to make Boston College feel like a bunch of Pickens Policemen to make folks forget Tallahassee.  So expect a romp of epic proportions.  To be fair, BC does have a win over Maine which probably makes them one of the top tier ACC teams.  But forget it Eagles, you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Clemson is angry and embarrassed and dying to get last week in rear view mirror.  I bet even all of their receivers “avoid the munchies” this week to make sure they are fully sharp and ready to go.  Tiggers will roll and get most of the kool-aid spigots gushing again! 
Clemson 52, BC 13  - Clemson wins and easily covers the spread.


Clemson follows up their heartbreak against FSU with a trip to a place they haven’t fared well over the years.  In their last six trips to Bahstan, Clemson has just one win.

But most of those games were against good, if not great BC teams.  Teams averaging 8-9 wins per season with great offensive lines, solid quarterbacks, and active linebackers.  On this BC team, only the linebackers are recognizable (don’t give me the Rettig is a great qb line).  In its place is a team leading the ACC in passing, but mostly because they can’t run the ball.

So how does Clemson match up against this type of BC team?  It couldn’t be worse, so it has to be better.  For the first time this year, Clemson can play the pass first.  That will allow them to pursue the quarterback, disguise coverages, and bring pressure from multiple locations.  And it means Clemson’s defense will have its best Saturday in a while.

And defensive success means more opportunities for Clemson’s offense.  While I don’t expect it to keep the same pace, or even have the same success, as they did against FSU, they will score.  Look for Clemson to have a similar gameplan as they did for Auburn.  They should have success running the ball and finding receivers in the flats.  Look for multiple plays and long drives.  And in the end, the BC defense wears down.

Clemson 31, BC 16 - Clemson wins and easily covers the spread.


South Carolina at Kentucky
(South Carolina is favored by 21)


As a long time Gamecock fan, this game is just the type of game that I used to circle as an upset and I will admit I still don’t like games like this on the road for us when our opponent has supposedly been left for dead.  Old Joker-P may be coaching for his job the rest of the way and if you’re being rational, you have to admit that we could be peeking a bit ahead to Jawja next week.
Are we the better team?  Of course.  Should we win comfortably?  Absolutely.  Does any of that mean we will cruise for sure.  Not a chance. Give me a win herewith no major injuries and I honestly don’t care how it looks, what the score is or any of that. 
The goal here is to have the clock run out and us be ahead and on the plane coming home at 5-0.  I think we will after some “tightening of the hineys” for a chunk of the contest.  
South  Carolina 37, Kentucky 13 - USC wins and covers the 21 points.


The UCS athletic department keeps setting them up and the UCS football keeps knocking them down.  One after another top-level opponents stand before UCS and one after another they get sent home.  This week is no different as UCS travels to perennial SEC power Kentucky.

Don't let Kentucky’s less than pristine record fool you.  Don't be swindled by their blow-out loss to Florida or crushing home defeat to Western Kentucky.  Don’t focus on how they won five games last year (seriously – how did they win five games last year) or how you beat them like a drum.  Don’t get sucked into feeling sorry for Joker Phillips.

UCS should have no trouble establishing a rhythm on offense to establish an early lead.  Once they get that lead, Kentucky will be forced to abandon their terrible run game in search of points in the passing game.  The UCS defensive line will then take over and strangle Kentucky, forcing them into mistakes and turnovers.  A two touchdown game turns into a second half romp for the fightin’ Spurriors as they give the starters most of the second half to rest for UGA.

All that said, UCS needs to remember one thing: Don’t get caught peeking at Mrs. Judd, at least not in the first half.  If you do, this game could go the way of your last trip to Lexington.  Good thing for you this Kentucky team is more like the Mrs. Judd from Dolphin Tale rather than the Mrs. Judd from Double Jeopardy.  And the second half will give you all the time you need to locate Mrs. Judd and try to coax a smile.

UCS 38, Kentucky 12 - USC wins and covers the 21 points.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Top 10 Clemson excuses after Florida State

This is not take it too serious!

10.  Sammy Watkins:  “If they had let me stay high we would have won.”
9.  Chad Morris:  “Do you know how lucky you are to be talking to Chad Morris?  Chad Morris is TELLING you how lucky you are!”
8.    Andre Ellington:  “IPTAY was late with my money this week.   You see what happens when I don’t get my cash?”
7.  Tajh Boyd:  “I only play bad when teams put pressure on me.  We won’t see anyone like that again until USC.” 
6.  Kirk Herbstreit:  “I still have my uncomfortable man-crush on the Tigers.”
5.  Dabo Swinney:  “That whole ‘asking me to drive under 80 on back roads’ thing had me distracted.”
4.  Will Merritt:  “I only had two trips through the buffet line on Saturday before breakfast.  I knew we were in trouble.” 
3.  Pete Yannity:  “I can still kick Andy Demetra’s butt.”
2.  Benji Norton:  “Jay Phillips wouldn’t lend me money for smokes.  He is always being mean to me.”
1.  Danny Ford:  “You’ll never be me Dat Boy. Make peace with it son.” 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

MOO U News: Rev. Septober in rare form following Clemson loss

"Pucker up Jimbo...I am coming in!"

This is a fake story...please do not take it too serious!

Dabo Swinney, aka “Rev. Septober” for his early season bragging and late season flops, got an early start on the Tiger collapse in 2012 in Tallahassee on Saturday night.    After watching his Tigers get shredded for nearly 700 yards by the Seminoles (more yardage than even West Virginia got in the Orange Bowl), the redneck version of Jimmy Swaggart continued to display bizarre behavior all in the name of keeping his orange sheep “all in” up in Tiggertown.   

First, Swinney tried to make out with Jimbo Fischer at midfield following the game, something Yabble Dabbles has been doing after big losses for a while now.  After 30 seconds of uncomfortable pushing back from FSU’s head coach, Swinney finally gave up and went into the locker room for the postgame press conference.  

When asked what happened to his defense (remember, he had changed defensive coordinators specifically to make sure this kind of beating didn’t happen again), Swinney explained that his defense was not to blame for his defense’s poor play.  “Shoot man, it wasn’t our defense that played bad on defense.  I inherited this mess from George W. Bush and I just didn’t know how big of a job it was.  Also, they only let me write one national article this week playing up how awful my life was when I was little.  You know I slept with my Momma right?  Whenever you want to criticize my defense, you just think of little Dat Boy in the bed with Momma, got it?  And I was offended by their Native American mascot.  To use the word ‘Semi-nole’ is just racist.  Who says they are only partial Noles?  Call them ‘Omninoles’ or ‘Wholenoles’ and we’re cooking with oil.”  

Swinney went on to point out that Clemson is only 13 points from being undefeated and that USC was in Southern California.  “They’ll never be us.  They’ll never give up 660+ yards to someone and get carved up on national TV.  Tweet that!”  When he was asked to explain his rather bizzare remarks, Swinney left the room shouting something about his “tats.”  

Monday, September 24, 2012

One week until we go live...

If Carolina can avoid the upset hiccup in Lexington next weekend, and I understand that based on history that is a big “if,” then the Gamecocks will be 5-0 entering the three-game gauntlet that makes up the “grind” part of the 2012 season.  Just like when we headed to Nashville a few weeks ago, I think we will benefit from having been clipped a couple of years ago by the Wildcats.  We need to go up there, take care of business, avoid a major injury and come back home with the W.  I don’t care if it’s pretty, I don’t care if the national media likes it, or any of that.  Just get the win and we earn a huge opportunity.  

The first leg of the grueling tripod at that point would be Georgia at home.  Even if we survive that, we would then have to take off on road trips to Baton Rouge and Gainesville.  The good news is that USC appears to be finding its identity on offense at just the right time.  We need them to be a complement to our salty and nasty defense that is jogging through the early games with ease.  

I don’t know many rational Gamecock fans who are guaranteeing we will win all three, but I can also say I don’t know many rational Gamecock haters who are putting down big money that we will lose all three either.  If we’re going to reach our goals this year, we will have to win two.  Thanks to the SEC protecting Athens with the schedule this year, those two also must include Georgia in two weeks.  That’s just the hand we’ve been dealt.   Don’t misunderstand, I am not “conceding” any games with this opinion.  I am just acknowledging the reality that it is a tall order to get through that maze unscathed.    

On another note, congratulations to Connor Shaw, who exceeded my expectations yesterday as we routed Missouri.  20 straight completions is impressive against anyone, and #14 made it look easy.  Shaw is a calm and steady leader who is willing to do whatever the defense allows him.  He is patient and unselfish too, as is Marcus Lattimore which bodes well for the rest of the year.  Against deep and fast SEC defenses, you have to be able to reach back for numerous options to find holes, which we can do.  

Other football teams can have the silly, insecure cockiness, bravado, peacocking, loud talking, flash and style.  I will take the calm and patient offense and the rock solid defense built on athleticism, depth and speed.  You guys keep the sizzle, and we’ll keep on being the steak.  I like it that way.  

(One other note:  Both Willy and I got all the calls right on the Claws vs. Paws.  The Tiger Swag still leads, but I am poised to strike and take over soon. :))

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock! 

CLAWS vs. PAWS Scoreboard Update after Week 4

No ground was made up this week in CLAWS vs. PAWS.  The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag both garnered 20 points.  They both picked FSU to win with Clemson covering the 13.5 spread.  FSU won the game by 12.   In the other game, both picked USC to win and to cover the 10 point spread.  USC won the game by 21.  So, both were perfect in their picks.

The TigerSwag continues to hold on to a slim 5 point advantage...HERE are this week's games:

  • SOUTH CAROLINA vs. KENTUCKY in Lexington, KY
(USC is a 21 point favorite in the game.)

  • CLEMSON vs. BOSTON COLLEGE in Chestnut Hill, MA
(Clemson is a 9.5 favorite in the game.)

Friday, September 21, 2012

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball speaks for week 4

 Week of September 21, 2012

Kentucky at Florida
Will Muschamp and his Re-Scaled Serpents open up the Citrus Bog on Saturday, hoping to chomp down on some visiting Bluegrass Felines.  The Azure Kittens have found little catnip to enjoy this fall and chances are that will remain the case here.  The Sunshine State Lizards will be showing all their teeth when this one is done.   
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Florida by 15
LSU at Auburn
Gene Chizik and his declawed cats open up the Plains Scratching Post on Saturday, hoping to meow the smirk off the Mad Hatter’s face.   The Bayou Bengals have been known to take a week off once in a while, but I’ll take the Baton Rouge Bobcats to get out of Jordan-Hare with their tails in tact.    
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...  LSU by 13
S. C. State at Texas A & M
The farming cowboys from College Station open up the Kyle Field ranch this weekend, hoping to neuter some visiting howlers from Orangeburg County.  The Dukes BBQ Dogs have a loud bark in their part of the Midlands, but I doubt they’ll be ready for that dry Texas heat.  The hay will make it to the barn when this one is over.       
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...  Texas A & M by 35
Vanderbilt at Georgia
 James Franklin and his polished up Boat Captains sail out of Music City this weekend, hoping to drop a gridiron anchor in Vince Dooley’s Athens Port.  Mark Richt’s Red Clay Hounds are feeling awfully good about themselves so far, but they better be careful.  These visiting admirals know how to fire a pigskin cannon.   
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...  Georgia by 3
Clemson at Florida State
Reverand Septober Swinney and his Carnival Barking Orangies take their big-talking traveling show to the Tallahassee Teepee grounds this weekend, and they plan to carve up the home wigwammers will very little trouble.  The Panhandle tribe has been hearing about their losing streak to the kittens for a while now and they would like to spear up some Oconee scalps.    
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...  Florida State by 5
Missouri at South Carolina
The Battle of the Columbias is on this weekend, as the home hens open up the Bluff Road Nesting Facility to welcome in the Show Me State’s Feline pride.  Steve Spurrier knows that his Puffed Up Poultries have never taken down these particular cats and they better not lay any gridiron eggs.  There will be some happy clucking in the Fairgrounds when the sun goes down.     
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...  South Carolina by 11

Other winners this weekend: 

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 4

Weekend of September 21, 2012

Clemson at Florida State
(FSU Favored by 13.5) 


Clemson typically wins games like this where they are a heavy underdog, especially when they are playing a team that is viewed by the national media as “having bigger fish to fry.”  I remember their upset of Miami a few years back as an example and several times beating the Noles in recent contests.  So the first half of the equation to me is simple:  Clemson will not lose by 14 points.     
Having said that, I have been pretty consistent that the lack of depth along both lines of scrimmage at some point is going to jump up and bite the Tigers this year.  Clemson clearly has some nice skill position players and they have acted like completely insane fools to get the national media to “believe” in Dabo again. 

Clemson will play well, get every bounce and break in the book and fall just short on Saturday night. 

I’ll take Florida State to win but I believe Clemson will cover the spread...
Florida State 31, Clemson 26


These Tigers have a tough task ahead of them – Top 5 FSU team with a nasty defense, a rockin’ Doak Campbell, and a national television audience.  But if they can pull off the upset, the road to the BCS Title Game begins to resemble a parted the Red Sea.  I’m not comparing Dabo to Moses, I’m just sayin...

But right now, one thing is keeping this Clemson team from greatness – its defense.  Watching this Clemson defense takes me back to my Civil days at Clemson, with words like sieve, porosity, elasticity, and compaction.  Hopefully the defense is just in its curing phase – and will come out solid and at full strength for FSU.

I expect Clemson to play well in Tallahassee – even grabbing an early lead; however, the FSU defense makes enough stops to keep Clemson close.  Eventually, the FSU run game erodes the Clemson defense, causing it to crumble.  And FSU squeaks out a win.

FSU 27
Clemson 23



Missouri at South Carolina
(South Carolina is favored by 10)


This one is a very tough call and for once it’s not because we don’t know what to expect from my Gamecocks.  The tough read here is Mizzou.  I have no doubt the Tigers will move the ball between the 30s and throw some early wrinkles in the mix and get some points. 
Carolina’s defense will get better as the night goes along as it usually does and I think our overall depth will carry the day.  USC’s offensive line has been hearing what a disappointment it is all week, so don’t be surprised when they come out and play well. 
Missouri will have to show another gear I haven’t seen from them yet to keep the Gamecocks from covering.  I don’t see that happening.

I will take USC to win and barely cover the spread....
USC 28, Mizzou 17


History is not on UCS’ sideline this week:

·         Missouri has a 50/50 chance of winning
o        Missouri hails from Columbia and teams from Columbia have a 50/50 shot at winning considering UCS’ all-time winning percentage is just over 0.500
·         Missouri has a 60.6% chance of winning
o        Missouri hails from the SEC and teams from the SEC are 97-62-1 all-time versus UCS
·         Missouri has a 63.3% chance of winning
o        Missouri carries the banner of Tigers, and Tiger teams are 57-33 all-time versus UCS in Columbia
·         Missouri has a 100% chance of winning
o        Missouri’s nickname of Tigers comes from the Civil War and a group of civilians who took up arms to defend the University from Confederates.
o        Union 1 – Confederates 0

In addition to history, Mizzou has a solid quarterback, which is something UCS hasn’t faced this year.  They’ve seen flashes from Vandy, ECU, & UAB, but nothing quite like Mr. Franklin.

But there’s one problem with Missouri – they’re uniforms.  While they carry the flags of the union, SEC, and Tigers, they look like Vandy.  And Vandy is not how you want to look.

And UCS has already defeated Vandy once this year – on the road.  Considering this game is in the armpit, it figures to go better for garnet and black.  As such, I’ll take UCS to win and cover the 10 point spread.  But remember, when facing Mizzou, no lead is safe.  Just ask the 2005 UCS Shreveport team and they’ll tell the tale of Brad Smith...

UCS 27
Mizzou 13

Monday, September 17, 2012

QB “controversies” are sometimes good

Dylan Thompson

There is no question that last year’s quarterback dilemma in Columbia was costly.  I admit I was very vocal in support of Stephen Garcia and openly fretted about the Connor Shaw era.  I still think all but one of Garcia’s “offenses” were either set-ups or minor nothings.  But it happened, we ended up losing a home conference game due to the distraction and we lost the SEC East as a result.  

What appears to be developing now with Dylan Thompson and Shaw is much, much different and will end up helping this year’s team.  Shaw is acknowledged by all parties as the starting quarterback and he earned that role.  #14 is “too little not to love” and gets all the “gutsy, courageous” type of terms showered on him.  Shaw has only lost 1 game as a starter and has been under center for most of the Gamecocks’ 14-2 run. 
But after sustaining what is turning into a problem injury at Vanderbilt, Shaw’s ability to extend a defense and pitch the ball around the park is in serious question.  What I sensed from most Gamecock fans after Vandy was fear BECAUSE we didn’t have a backup option at QB.  We have games against Missouri, LSU, Georgia, Tennessee and Florida still on the schedule.  Logic dictates that if our starting QB cannot throw it around due to an injury, these team  ARE going to stop our running game and dare us to throw.  

And that is what East Carolina and UAB did the last two weeks.  They were willing to leave themselves open to deep balls, but they just sold completely out to stop us from running the football.  Enter Dylan Thompson, whose first, second and third instincts seem to be to throw it deep.  He has looked like a kid in a candy store, racking up big numbers through the air and allowing the garnet and black featherheads to breathe a bit.  

Connor Shaw
Now there is no question that Shaw is a better runner than Thompson.  I might could even keep up with #17 for about 10 yards in a sprint.  But at least we keep three or four option available in the arsenal until Shaw is fully healed.  Some folks are quietly whispering that there could be another “controversy” developing for the role as head signal-caller but I don’t see that.  Shaw, if healthy, is still Carolina’s best option at QB.  This will ESPECIALLY hold true when we run into nastier, faster defenses down the road.  We don’t get to play ECU, Clemson and UAB every week in the SEC.  But in the meantime it is nice to know that we have a capable backup in the wings.  

So unlike last season’s migraine, the current “controversy” ends up helping the Gamecocks in a big way.  Bring on Mizzou!

(One other note:  I had a good week in the Claws vs. Paws against my buddy Willie Powell at Old Willie still leads, but I am back on track and closing the gap.)

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!  

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Scoreboard Update - 9/17/12

Based on last week's picks, the Cock-A-Booster made up some ground on The TigerSwag.  The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag both predicted an easy Clemson which gave them both 3 points.  (They did not pick against the spread on the Clemson game.)  In the South Carolina game, The Cock-A-Booster predicted a win outright vs. UAB and he also predicted that they would cover the point spread - which they did.  The TigerSwag picked South Carolina to win, but he did not think they would cover.  So, The Cock-A-Booster got 3 points for picking the winner and also picked up 7 points for picking against the spread.  The TigerSwag only receive 3 points for picking the winner.  So that brings us to week 4...with TheTigerSwag leading The Cock-A-Booster by only 5 points - 41-36.


FLORIDA STATE (home) vs. Clemson (FSU favored by 13.5)
SOUTH CAROLINA (home) vs. Missouri (USC favored by 10)

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball Reveals Picks for Week 3

Week 3- September 15th

Alabama at Arkansas
Evil Nick and his Elegant Elephants trample into the Ozarks on Saturday, hoping their gridiron ivories will cause some Fayetteville squealing.  The home Hogs have already been skewered this fall and can’t be anyone else’s pigskin pork plate.  The Tuscloosa Trumpets are just too tough this year, so don’t expect any rolling back of the Tide. 
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Alabama by 9

Mississippi State at Troy
Larry Blakeney and his Maroon Spartans open up the Yellowhammer Colleseum this weekend, ready to neuter some visiting puppies from Magnolia Country.  The visiting howlers are feeling awfully good about themselves so far this fall and plan to bury some pigskin bones early and often.  The K9s are going to find out why most big schools stay away from these gladiators. 
In a big upset, The Cockabooster crystal ball says...Troy by 3

Florida at Tennessee
Derek Dooley and his refurbished Davy Crocketts are lying in wait this weekend, hoping to skin up some Citrus Lizards that are slithering in from the Sunshine State.  The visiting crocs showed they can still pack a chomp last week and they plan to use the Knoxville Minutemen as Hors D’ouerves.  Two big road trips in a row may just be too tall of an order.     
The Cockabooster crystal ball says...Tennessee by 4

Lousiana-Monroe at Auburn
Gene Chizik and his Plains Kittens open up the I-85 scratching post this weekend, ready to prove to the pigskin world that they are not declawed for good.  The Warhawks from the Bayou appear to be the perfect chance to do just that, but these birds just jammed some talons into the Natural State Pigs.  Whatever catnip the War Eagle Lions have in the tank it will be on display this weekend. 
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Auburn by 14

Texas at Ole Miss
The Horned Cows from Austin herd into the Grove on Saturday, hoping to trample through the Mint Julep Gentleman and leave no banana pudding for dessert.  The Oxford Colonels are always hospitable hosts, but they won’t last long enough to have Bevo for dinner. 
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Texas by 17

Presbyterian at Vanderbilt
The Azure Stockinged Poets from Clinton leave the I-26 Cultural Center this weekend, hoping to use their lyrical skills to take over Music City.  The Nashville Boat Captains are ready for the Palmetto State Smurf invasion and should be able to send them back to their Midlands Village with relative ease.   
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Vanderbilt by 20

Furman at Clemson
Rev. Septober and his Overhyped Orange Cats open up the Pickens County Preserve this weekend, ready to claw up some Purple Cavaliers from Greenville.  The visiting Lancers will gallop in with confidence and may do some jousting early.  When it is all said and done the Blue Ridge Felines will capture plenty of Indigo Armor for a souvenir.   
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... Clemson by 30

UAB at South Carolina
Some Birmingham Dragons will swoop into Columbia on Saturday, hoping to do fire-breathe some fried chicken for dinner.  Steve Spurrier and his Richland Roosters are tough to catch at the Bluff Road Poultry Plant and they should be able to douse the visitors’ flames without too much hassle.  The Palmetto Cluckers will then get ready for their first batch of Tigers.     
The Cockabooster crystal ball says... South Carolina by 24

Other winners this weekend: