Tuesday, September 25, 2012

MOO U News: Rev. Septober in rare form following Clemson loss

"Pucker up Jimbo...I am coming in!"

This is a fake story...please do not take it too serious!

Dabo Swinney, aka “Rev. Septober” for his early season bragging and late season flops, got an early start on the Tiger collapse in 2012 in Tallahassee on Saturday night.    After watching his Tigers get shredded for nearly 700 yards by the Seminoles (more yardage than even West Virginia got in the Orange Bowl), the redneck version of Jimmy Swaggart continued to display bizarre behavior all in the name of keeping his orange sheep “all in” up in Tiggertown.   

First, Swinney tried to make out with Jimbo Fischer at midfield following the game, something Yabble Dabbles has been doing after big losses for a while now.  After 30 seconds of uncomfortable pushing back from FSU’s head coach, Swinney finally gave up and went into the locker room for the postgame press conference.  

When asked what happened to his defense (remember, he had changed defensive coordinators specifically to make sure this kind of beating didn’t happen again), Swinney explained that his defense was not to blame for his defense’s poor play.  “Shoot man, it wasn’t our defense that played bad on defense.  I inherited this mess from George W. Bush and I just didn’t know how big of a job it was.  Also, they only let me write one national article this week playing up how awful my life was when I was little.  You know I slept with my Momma right?  Whenever you want to criticize my defense, you just think of little Dat Boy in the bed with Momma, got it?  And I was offended by their Native American mascot.  To use the word ‘Semi-nole’ is just racist.  Who says they are only partial Noles?  Call them ‘Omninoles’ or ‘Wholenoles’ and we’re cooking with oil.”  

Swinney went on to point out that Clemson is only 13 points from being undefeated and that USC was in Southern California.  “They’ll never be us.  They’ll never give up 660+ yards to someone and get carved up on national TV.  Tweet that!”  When he was asked to explain his rather bizzare remarks, Swinney left the room shouting something about his “tats.”  

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