Given the time, Martin WILL get us there!

This blog makes fun of everyone so I appreciate any coach that gives material for me to work with like Frank Martin.  But as a Gamecock fan, I really like the guy and fully believe he is going to be the coach that finally reawakens our hoops program.  Now if you are the type of Gamecock fan that only sees the negative and you refuse to look for good signs then you should just stop reading right now.  We get it:  you’re never happy and you love speaking loudly about how you are smart enough to be not happy.  Good for you and now please move along.  

For the rest of us, we like what we see with Coach Martin.  The guy is brutally honest about where we are and makes it crystal-clear that he is working his tail off to change that.  Yes, if you’re going to have a bad basketball season, tell us that up front and show us that you’re going to fix it.  Frank Martin does that. 

Take the loss to Georgia yesterday afternoon.  First of all, can Georgia win anything without the SEC’s help?  Seriously?  First the SEC East in football is gift-wrapped to Athens by “random” scheduling.  Then the officials somehow cannot see what every human on earth could during hoops:  Carolina should have had 8.9 seconds left to run their last possession.  Yes that was it.  That simple.  No there is no other thing to say about it.  

But I digress.  Even during the “loss” you could see how Coach Martin is draining every bit of effort from these players.  They are starting to get the idea:  play hard and be thankful for the chance or get out of Columbia.  Yes, we may have some growing pains as a result early on but we’re better off for the long haul.  In SEC hoops, you have three paths for success:  You can do the dirty recruiting stuff like they do in Florida, you can be Kentucky or you can slowly build a winner over time.  

You can see that option 3 is what Martin is going to do and I am glad.  I don’t expect “instant national titles” from USC hoops.  I just want to see improvement.  It’s not going to be easy.  Due to the success Steve Spurrier and Ray Tanner had in their respective sports the same is expected from Coach Martin and that’s unfair.  Both of those legends were given the time, support and facilities they needed to get there.  Through no fault of his own that won’t be the case for Coach Martin.  

Here’s hoping he is still our coach in five years.  I like him and I like what he’s doing.  To quote Shooter from Hoosiers, “I been watching the way you’ve been breaking the colts” Coach and I like what I see.  

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CRANKSHAFT GAZETTE: Frank Martin and Brad Brownell release Easter Album to boost income

The Gamecock and Tiger Basketball coaches have had reality hit them in the face in recent weeks.  Gamecock Coach Frank Martin joined Tiger head man Brad Brownell for a cocktail recently, and the two men were both lamenting that basketball in the Palmetto State wasn’t a good long-term income plan.  So they have teamed up to make what is sure to be one of the top 50 Easter Albums in 2013 as an income boost.  

“Look, everyone is scared to death of Frank, and no one knows who the heck I am,” said Brownell, who then had to wake up the members of the press corps in attendance.  Martin then explained why he thinks the album is both needed and beneficial to everyone in the state.  “You %$@*# morons don’t appreciate this beautiful $^#-@)^*$% sport we coach, so me and Vanilla Boy here are going to croon!” 

Some of the songs that will highlight the Easter Collection will include:  

• Here Comes Peter Cottontail…and why the North Carolina schools are mean to Clemson! (Brownell)
• You want to color some eggs?  I have some eggs you can color pal!  (Martin)
• Happy Day- is when someone will acknowledge my team beat the Gamecocks! (Brownell)
• Jellybeans and Chocolate- If we give these away at games, will that get you off your fat butts and to a basketball game?  (Martin)
•  Let’s pretend we’re bunny rabbits- maybe someone will notice us then! (Duet)

Initial reaction to the news was mixed among fans from both schools.  Jethro Prostate, a long-time Gamecock fan from just outside of Eastover, was pleased to hear the news.  “I had no idea we still had a basketball team.  I remember the Grady Wallace year like it was yesterday.  Did they ever paint the Field House?”  Also weighing in was Tiger supporter “Tiny” Tina Slopbucket of Ft. Mill who hopes the album will be a big success.  “We really do need to bring basketball to Clemson again.  I just can’t stand that old Dean Smith.  Not a nice man.” 

CLEMSON TOP TEN....Top 10 signs Jack Legget is about to play Carolina

Top 10 signs Jack Legget is about to play Carolina

 

10.          Constantly throwing darts at a picture of Ray Tanner

9.            Washes those ridiculous white socks over and over in bleach

8.            Practicing that “smile” thing for the press conference after another loss to USC

7.            Extra shock treatments to stop the increased screaming and nightmares

6.            Listens to nothing but Enter Sandman and Megadeath to get him in the mood

5.            Prank calls to Chad Holbrook

4.            Lots of weeping and crying in the fetal position

3.            Asking Tiger fans to just pay attention to basketball.  “Nothing to see here!”

2.            Pulls out his spot-on imitation of John Wayne as a distraction

1.            Bunny-slippers and hot cocoa while watching tapes of “The June Raines Years!”

 

MOO U News: Oscar snub outrages Dabo!

This is a fake story...please do not take it too serious!

Clemson head football coach Dabo Swinney says he did everything he could to win the best actor Oscar this year, but not even being nominated is just ridiculous. “Who did a better job of creating a character while completely making my audience buy into my fantasy as reality? If that’s not acting I don’t know what is.” Swinney especially resented not being on the list while Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman were. “The guy from Hangover? Seriously? He gets on there? That is just crap. Isn’t he the one the naked guy jumped on from the trunk? Or was that the fat guy with the beard? Either way I am better than him ANY day. And Hugh Jackman? Wolverine? Whatever dude!”

Swinney has used a combination of smoke-and-mirrors, a hefty recruiting “budget” in South Florida, a horrible ACC and several staged media rants to completely distract Tiger fans from the reality in which they exist. “I am more popular than Red Man Chaw in Pickens County and I lose every year to Carolina,” noted Swinney, who says he is just following the script of Tiger legend Frank Howard. “Coach Howard had a losing record against the Gamecocks and he has his name on the field! Who knows where they will be writing Dabo before long?”

When asked who should win the award since he is not eligible, Swinney says the stuffed bear from “Ted” made him cry. “Like a modern day Peter Fonda.”

Highlights from GAMES vs. Liberty

Looks like another contender in Columbia!

Chad Holbrook has introduced himself to Gamecocks fans as a head coach now, and we all like what we see.  Former Gamecock Assistant Jim Toman brought a VERY game Liberty squad to Columbia and the fans were treated to a competitive weekend.   Yes, there were a bunch of atypical errors in the field.  Yes, 

Carolina will have to get much better before the late spring and summer.  But overall you have to leave this weekend feeling pretty good about the 2013 YardCocks.  

This was never going to be an “easy” opening weekend.  Put aside whether or not you agree that Liberty is good (They are and the season will show that).  Friday afternoon was a day all about honoring the past.  So much emotion about Ray Tanner had to be processed and it was.  Combine all of that with the new pitching rotation and position players starting their journey to finding a new team voice and you see what they were facing.  

No more Roth.  No more Price.  No more Christian Walker.  And others.  You get the idea.  So we come out of that slate with 2 wins and a very tough 1-run loss.  I’ll take that.  Shoot it may be three or four more weeks before our legs are under us.  (If Jack Leggett has a brain of any kind he’ll take advantage of that but I digress)

This is not going to be Ray Tanner the sequel.  This is Chad Holbrook’s time and this is no easy gig.  When Coach Tanner took the program the wheels had come off and we were in an aging home run box at the Sarge.  We hadn’t won diddly in about 15 years and people had largely forgotten baseball.  Today, we all expect the diamond team to carry the water at USC, there is tremendous focus on our new facilities, and we have a ton of hardware and success. 

You either are stupid or have guts to want that responsibility.  Coach Holbrook is certainly no dummy.  He’s a winner and he has embraced the opportunity.  Good for him.  Guts may not be everything but sometimes it’s enough.  (I think I stole that from Full Metal Jacket or The Simpsons) 

The good news for Holbrook is that the Gamecocks have all the pieces as usual.  “Gumby” Montgomery has a rubber-band rocket of an arm and will be one of the Conference’s best Friday night aces.  We have lots of speed for the small-ball scoring and plenty of depth.  But as always the intangible of chemistry will decide how good we are and that has to play itself out.  If those pieces all come together into a nice finished puzzle we’ll be in Omaha again.  

Regardless, color me confident that the Chad Holbrook era will be viewed as a success when the books are written.  He’s the perfect guy to deal with all the good (and bad) that comes with following #1 at Carolina. 

AMEN, COACH HOLBROOK!!!
It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

OPENING DAY TRIBUTE TO RAY TANNER!

Long live Ray Tanner!

738 wins, 10 Super-Regionals, 6 trips to Omaha, 4 trips to the Championship game or round, and 2 National Championships.  Well-done Coach.   Other coaches may accomplish more in a sport at the University of South Carolina.  Time will tell.  But for historic purposes, Ray Tanner was the first person to lead a team in a men’s major sport to the promised land.  That can’t ever be challenged.   

So many folks have forgotten how the Tanner love-fest actually began in Columbia.  Most people think it was the run to the 1st title with Bayler-ball and the wins over Oklahoma, Clemson and UCLA.    I understand why some feel that way.  But for us “old-school” fans, we’ll never forget the importance of the 2000 season.  

Think back to January of 2000.  Gamecock Athletics were at their lowest point ever and in the sewer.  The football team had just gone 0-11.  The basketball team had lost twice in the 1st round of the NCAAs and had collapsed in 1999.  Meanwhile, baseball was quietly about to start the fourth season under Ray Tanner.  Tanner had been slowly building a program that had radically declined at the end of the June Raines era.  

The bottom line is that USC fans had given up hope.  Sure, sure, lots of them now claim they never did but hogwash!  It was just a crappy time.  Then Kip Bouknight, Peter Bauer, Scott Barber, Trey Dyson and others saved us.  I’m not over-estimating that either.  Under Coach Tanner, that baseball team saved the morale at my alma mater.  

All the frustration, all the negativity, all the anger and everything else bad just went away.   2 huge wins over Clemson that year were just what the doctor ordered.  The one in Columbia where Dyson had the big hit still ranks as one of my favorite moments of all time.  You just can’t understand how that season was if you weren’t a fan who had lived through all that other stuff.  

Before anyone howls too loudly, I get it that we didn’t get to Omaha that year, and that we went on to knock Clemson out of Omaha twice and that we won the two championships later.  I’m not ignoring any of that.  I’m just saying that we never would have seen that magical end without that miraculous beginning.  And it did feel miraculous at the time. 

So yes, I did tear up a bit yesterday as Coach Tanner had his number retired.  Yes, the players doing their tributes, the naming of Ray Tanner Way and even Coach’s comments after the game got to me.  Matt Price coming in to close it out one last time was an especially nice touch.  

As a Daddy of a 6-year old I am sure glad my boy is becoming a Gamecock fan now.  Hopefully he’ll never have to live through what I did growing up in the Garnet and Black.  But along with all those scars he’s avoided, there are two memories I’ll have on him:  Big George’s Heisman Run in 1980 and Ray Tanners Magic in 2000.  Thank you so much Coach Tanner!

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CRANKSHAFT NEWS: Top 10 things Jadeveon Clowney will do if he sits out this season

THIS IS A FAKE STORY, DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

Sitting out the season?  What would he do to bide his time?

10.          Finish that macramé sweater he’s been knitting for Bruce Ellington
 

9.            Pen an essay illustrating the contrast between “conceit” as a literary device from the metaphysical poets and the theory of wit from English writers.
 

8.            Set out with an animal sidekick to solve mysteries in Florida.
 

7.            Become an expert of both the Carinosa dance of love and the bunny hop.
 

6.            Still find a way to sack Tajh Boyd even from the stands.
 

5.            That dream summer job as an auctioneer at Christie’s.
 

4.            Bake up the world’s zestiest hot vanilla soufflé.
 

3.            Watch every episode and movie from “Sex and the City.” (JD is such a Miranda)
 

2.            Join a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band

1.            Sudoku Puzzles!  (Medium Level)

Crankshaft Gazette: Frank Martin irate after horrible dinner!

THIS IS A FAKE STORY.  DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

YOU CALL THIS A PORK CHOP!??!!?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

Last week, Gamecock head basketball coach Frank Martin thought he was sitting down at a friend’s house to eat some delicious pork chops with apple sauce for dinner.  Instead, the evening turned into a disaster.  “I can’t believe I have to eat something that tastes this bad,” said Martin, who is never afraid to make his strong opinions known.  “I mean, if you’re going to invite someone over to a meal, you should have some passion and fire about the food you’re cooking.  This is the worst pile of %#$@!^ garbage I have ever put in my mouth!!” 

Martin then went on to point out all the flaws he noticed in the friend’s home.  “I go into the can and there aren’t any %&^#%! decorative soaps!  Are you freaking kidding me?  And that #@^$%^# hand towel couldn’t dry a fly’s *** in the desert.”  When it was pointed out that Martin was being kind of harsh to his hosts, the fiery coach screamed that he was just being honest.  “Look I only know one speed baby and that is first-gear excellence!!  Don’t grab a pile of dog-#$~!@ off the road, plop it on my plate and tell me it’s a pork-chop!”  Martin went on to say that he enjoyed the evening overall and that parking was ample.