Monday, February 25, 2013

CRANKSHAFT GAZETTE: Frank Martin and Brad Brownell release Easter Album to boost income

The Gamecock and Tiger Basketball coaches have had reality hit them in the face in recent weeks.  Gamecock Coach Frank Martin joined Tiger head man Brad Brownell for a cocktail recently, and the two men were both lamenting that basketball in the Palmetto State wasn’t a good long-term income plan.  So they have teamed up to make what is sure to be one of the top 50 Easter Albums in 2013 as an income boost.  

“Look, everyone is scared to death of Frank, and no one knows who the heck I am,” said Brownell, who then had to wake up the members of the press corps in attendance.  Martin then explained why he thinks the album is both needed and beneficial to everyone in the state.  “You %$@*# morons don’t appreciate this beautiful $^#-@)^*$% sport we coach, so me and Vanilla Boy here are going to croon!” 
Some of the songs that will highlight the Easter Collection will include:  

  • Here Comes Peter Cottontail…and why the North Carolina schools are mean to Clemson! (Brownell)
  • You want to color some eggs?  I have some eggs you can color pal!  (Martin)
  • Happy Day- is when someone will acknowledge my team beat the Gamecocks! (Brownell)
  • Jellybeans and Chocolate- If we give these away at games, will that get you off your fat butts and to a basketball game?  (Martin)
  •  Let’s pretend we’re bunny rabbits- maybe someone will notice us then! (Duet)

Initial reaction to the news was mixed among fans from both schools.  Jethro Prostate, a long-time Gamecock fan from just outside of Eastover, was pleased to hear the news.  “I had no idea we still had a basketball team.  I remember the Grady Wallace year like it was yesterday.  Did they ever paint the Field House?”  Also weighing in was Tiger supporter “Tiny” Tina Slopbucket of Ft. Mill who hopes the album will be a big success.  “We really do need to bring basketball to Clemson again.  I just can’t stand that old Dean Smith.  Not a nice man.” 

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