Thursday, February 7, 2013

Clemson releases new “all backs” strategy for 2013

This is a fake article...PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

After signing  42 skill position players this year and 1 lineman that no one else wanted, Dabo Swinney knew he had to spin the results to his liking.  “Yes, we plan to play 11 defensive backs on defense and 11 receivers on offense.  Instead of ‘all in’ at Clemson we are going with ‘all backs’ moving forward.”  

Clemson has kept themselves in the headlines in recent years by signing several “5-star” players that were purchased in Florida.  They all fizzle out once they get to the upstate, but this maneuver  gives them a nice team recruiting ranking on national signing day.  “Look, we know we can’t beat South Carolina on the field anymore so why not do this?  Our fans have shown they are dumb enough to believe whatever I say in the past.  They’ll love this.”  

We asked some random Tiger boosters what they thought of winning yet another preseason state championship.  “Dabby knows what he’s doing,” said Rhetta Gritseed, part-time vending machine cleaner in Belton.  “If he thinks playing a wide receiver at offensive tackle will get it done I believe him.”  Walt Cooterbred of Easley, retired oil filter recycler, agrees.  “I think it’s high time we see what a cornerback can do along the defensive line.”

Dabo says the key to keeping people asleep in Tigertown is hoping Georgia gives away a game to Clemson like LSU did, and Cooterbred is confident it will happen.  “I got both of my fingers crossed.”  

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