MOO U News: MLB gives Dabo lifetime ban

Major League Baseball has been in the news a lot lately suspending its stars for using steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.  They went a step further than expected, however, by giving a lifetime ban to a College Football Coach who has never been a part of their sport.  Clemson Coach Dabo Swinney, known for his insane statements and erratic behavior, has been told he can never be a part of baseball. 

Commissioner Bud Selig wanted to make absolutely sure that someone as unhinged as Swinney could never do anything to hurt the American Pastime.  “Yes, we don’t often take action against Coaches at the amateur level in other sports,” said Selig, who said he felt a moral obligation to protect the diamond from someone as nutty as Dabo.  “It just had to be done.  Dabo is the kind of person that kind of stays right on the brink of losing his mind.  I mean, at any moment could just lose it and start flinging his poop around.”  

Selig added that Dabo’s unearned confidence about the upcoming Tigers’ football season was the final straw.  “Anyone who thinks an ACC team is a threat to win a national title or have a player win the Heisman needs serious psychological counseling.  We will pray he gets the help he needs but we don’t want him in baseball.”