497,853 people in the world still don’t know Clowney

THE HIT!

ESPN and Steve Spurrier have spent the off-season trying to promote  Gamecock star Jadeveon Clowney, but those efforts may be falling short.  Of the roughly 7 billion humans on the Earth, there are nearly half a million left that have never heard of #7 or seen the clip of his Outback Bowl hit against Michigan.  “Yeah, there are a bunch of folks in Belarus who we haven’t reached yet and I feel bad about that,” said Spurrier. 

The Head Ball Coach thinks the problem can be corrected by the time August practices start.  “There is a problem with our media outreach efforts in Minsk and Baranavinchy and we’re working on it.   We’ll get there.”  If Spurrier does complete the task, he will be allowed to beat up Nick Saban with a tire iron for 15 minutes before the kickoff against North Carolina.  

MORE MOO U News: Frank Howard under siege for mistreatment of his rock

Made-Up Story...Again...Don't Get Too Upset Clemson-ites!

New evidence has surfaced that former Clemson football coach Frank Howard used to use his famous rock as a “door-stop,” and that has rabid Tiger fans beside themselves.  Jimmy Don Spittle, an honors graduate from Moo U and Iva resident, could not believe the news.  “How would Coach Howard feel if he knew someone once used his rock that way?  I think we should immediately take Coach Howard’s name off the stadium.”  

Spittle says Coach Howard made it clear that anyone not giving a billion percent should keep their filthy hands off that rock.  “That includes Coach Howard, and he didn’t live up to his words.  I think we owe it to a legend like Frank Howard to make sure that his name is never associated with a hypocrite like Frank Howard.  He had a losing record to the Gamecocks too.” 

MOO U News: Dabo blames Rock Incident on Spurrier

THIS IS A SILLY LITTLE MADE-UP STORY - DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS CLEMSON-ITES!

Swinney Believes Spurrier Vandalize "Howard's Rock"

Coach Steve Spurrier is the one who cracked Howard’s Rock if you believe Dabo Swinney.  The little Coach that could in a sweatshirt says that despite an arrest of a Clemson fan recently in the case, and apparent video confirmation of the crime itself, he feels it was actually the Head Ball Coach.  “Look, I heard from someone’s twitter account that Spurrier did it and he hasn’t denied it,” said Swinney.  “That means he did it as far as I’m concerned.”  

Spurrier has never been suspected of involvement in the vandalism and is not considered a suspect by anyone.  But Swinney has a history of blaming things on Spurrier that he hasn’t done.  Remember that Tiger reporter making up a quote that allowed him to stage a very silly rant against the Gamecocks?  Well, the Tigers’ chief paste-eater says no such rant is coming this time because the last one led to another double-digit behind-kicking by Carolina.   “But Spurrier did this,” said Swinney, and “I ain’t apologizing.” 

Spurrier has his “Cocky” Back

For those Gamecock fans who are old enough to remember the Paul Dietzel era, you hear story after story about the success Herman Helms had at The State in spewing negativity to the point that a change was made.  Certainly the modern day moron over there has done his best to keep up that legacy of the “hometown” paper antagonizing USC for the sake of being confrontational. 

For the first time ever, that effort has failed and a Coach has survived.  Steve Spurrier’s first five seasons were an absolute grind.  Just like other legends that had come to Columbia, it appeared that the Head Ball Coach’s tenure would end badly.  At that point you could hear all kinds of “Dietzel the sequel” references from old-school Carolina fans.  

Instead of that “typical” ending, Spurrier roars into season #9 with his best roster ever and the national spotlight on Williams-Brice like it’s never been before.  The Gamecocks have a very difficult schedule as they always do and will, but this one appears to be manageable.  The SEC road trips include Athens, Mizzou, Fayetteville and Knoxville.  A bonus trip to Central Florida is badly-timed and dangerous but it is there. 

For the first time since he has been in Columbia, you get the sense that the HBC is actually “happy” with his quarterbacks.  Connor Shaw is the angelic choir boy with the great work ethic (Spurrier’s ideal QB).  Then you have the more media-friendly “gunslinger” Dylan Thompson.  Thompson being there when things get tough for Shaw or the little guy gets beat up a bit has paid dividends already.  (See Clemson and the Outback Bowl)  

So why is this the year that Spurrier seems to have finally turned back into the “cocky” ball coach we all used to hate in Gainesville?  After all, there are certainly some BIG question marks about this season:  1. Can USC’s new linebackers get the job done?  2.  Is there enough depth in the secondary?  3.  Can Connor Shaw finally win a really big marquee game on the road?  

I get it that Spurrier doesn’t have to worry himself with the first two defense concerns but he has to know that #3 lingers in the air in a big way.   Shaw has done just about everything else you can do as a QB at Carolina….except win that signature road win as a starter.  Miss. State and Tennessee in 2011 were nice wins of course, as were Vandy and Kentucky in 2012.  But Alshon rescued us in Starkville by making a tremendous catch and the Vols were sleepwalking through one of their worst years ever and we end up slipping away 14-3.  

Fair or unfair those wins are overshadowed by the losses at LSU and Florida last year and the disastrous trip to Fayetteville in 2012.  At some point this season, Shaw (who has been brilliant in Columbia), must lead us to a victory on his own on the road under pressure circumstances.  That is part of an SEC QB’s legacy.  I would say that there is one golden opportunity for that early on this fall:  Between the hedges.   If he does, then Spurrier’s return to swagger and cockiness will be justified!  Go get ‘em Connor.  It’s the chance you have been waiting for.  

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

Pretty cool schedule poster for upcoming season....

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Link to original poster... (LARGE IMAGE)

http://quantzphoto.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/2013poster.jpg

MOO U News: Clemson Wide Receiver being pushed for award also

This is a fake story...Don't take it too seriously!

And the 2013-14 Cannabis Cup goes to....

Clemson’s head football Coach and Chief Toad-Licker Dabo Swinney says that the Tigers’ pretend run at the Heisman is not the only media campaign they will be pushing behind a player this fall.  Clemson has a wide receiver or two that should be the lead candidates to win High Times’ “Cannabis Cup” for promoting the use of illegal drugs. 

“No one has done more to push narcotics into the public in the Palmetto State than we have,” said Swinney, who wants those efforts rewarded.  “Our QB can win the Heisman while one of our Receivers is named ‘The Highest Man’ in the same year.  You can’t put a price on that kind of publicity for the Upstate.” 

MOO U News: Clemson pretends QB is a Heisman threat

THIS IS A FAKE STORY - Don't take it too seriously!

Every once in a while, Clemson runs into a team like Tennessee or LSU in the Peach Bowl who has no interest in being there.  The Tigers, desperate for even the slightest bit of credibility, then convince themselves that it is 1982 again.  Uncle Rico would be proud of the delusion. 

But this time there is a bonus to the normal Clemson “Peachy” hype.  The Upstate Udders have convinced themselves that their perennial choking QB is now a Heisman threat.  So in that spirit here are some other awards The Gamecocks’ favorite Clemson signal-caller has just as much of a chance to win this year:

 

• The Mark Twain Prize
• Miss America
• Chrysler Salesman of the Year (Seattle District)
• The Canadian Soccer League’s “Golden Boot”
• The Jock McHale Medal
• The Harley J. Earl Trophy
• The Ranfurly Shield
• Brunei Order of the Crown
• St. Matthews Yard of the Month

GREAT 1st Season for Coach Holbrook!

You always want to be the last team standing with the trophy in Omaha, and I fully believe a Chad Holbrook Carolina team will be soon.  But for this year, if you’re being intellectually honest about the circumstances, we pretty much went as far as anyone thought we would.  Yes, yes it’s a shame we gave away the Super Regional.  I get that and was as frustrated as anyone.  But we certainly have benefited from similar things in the past so it all balances out.  

The Gamecocks have either 7 or 8 starting position players coming back next year, depending on the lineup.  Jordan “Gumby” Montgomery returns to be the ace and leader of the pitching staff.   Boy has he been impressive so far!  And we have tons of young talent ready to reload just like we always do.  In other words, USC is going to be just fine.  

And let’s be honest about the situation Coach Holbrook was in.  He was following essentially the Emperor of Gamecock Sports in Ray Tanner.  To take an injured and young baseball team to the brink of Omaha in his first season was quite a Coaching feat.  

Did Carolina pick the worst possible time to play its worst baseball?  Yes.  But if we are now defining “failure” as reaching the Super-Regionals and coming within an eyelash of the College World Series, I am okay with that failure every once in a while.  

I am excited about this program and our “new” Skipper.  I can promise you certain other wound-up, tight-rear-ended Coaches in other parts of the state were hoping he was going to be MUCH worse than he is. 

Just wait until he gets a couple of seasons under his belt folks!  We’ll be back in Omaha soon!    

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CLEMSON "TOP TEN"--- Top 10 Regional Excuses from Tiger Fans

10.  Gamecock fans are mean

9.  It was unfair to be put in Liberty’s regional

8.  The Circle K near the Clemson hotel had a Moon Pie/Swisher Sweet special

7.  The IRS has been targeting Jack Leggett

6.  They don’t sell Skoal at Carolina Stadium

5.  They played better "walk-up" music before Liberty’s at-bats (this one was actually stated by Tiger media folks)

4.  Unrest in the Middle East

3.  No one should have to play baseball on Wayne Brady’s birthday

2.  Got too stirred up because Tony Stewart was finally winning a race

1.  “WE ARE YOUNG!”  

Leggett pulls a Clemson…again

When the decision was made to send Clemson to Columbia for the baseball regionals again this year, you just knew that somehow it would end badly for Jack Leggett.   Liberty may very well end up winning the regional and beat Carolina as well, but their knocking off Jack-Leg was purely hysterical theatre. 

Leggett, who at age 86 is going back down the “well we are young” excuse path, has been given so many opportunities to slay the Gamecock demons; you would think one of them would go his way.  First were the two meetings in Omaha where Carolina twice came from the losers’ bracket to beat the Tiggers and crush the championship dreams of those in orange.  The 2nd time of course ended with USC winning their first of 2 national titles. 

Then Clemson was set to match up with USC in the Super-Regionals a couple of years ago but lost to UConn of all teams.  After Tiger fans immediately made the case that UConn was obviously the best team in the nation, the Huskies were destroyed by Carolina the following week and the Gamecocks were off to Omaha. 

Last year, Clemson was excited to be given a chance at full redemption by being put into the Columbia Regionals.  Two losses to USC soon followed and the Gamecocks would eventually go back to Omaha again. 

Which brings us to this weekend.  To be fair to the Tigers, I don’t think they were happy about getting sent back to “The Ray” but they again decided it was a chance at full redemption.  So they lose to Liberty twice and go home spanked and embarrassed…again.  The formula for avoiding losing to Carolina is clear:  lose before you have to play them. 

Old Jack-Leg seriously needs to think about moving on and leaving his replacement a good hand to work with.  Clemson actually does have some awesome young talent thanks to Leggett doing a “Cocoon”-esque run at recruiting like a young pup one last time in his twilight.  If he stays to coach them, then he better win a title in the next two years.  Otherwise he will permanently damage what right now is a pretty good coaching legacy. 

Seriously, if it weren’t for Ray Tanner, Jack’s coaching history looks pretty good.  He has given the Klimpletons some of their finest athletic moments ever.  But because the Tanner era happened, he has become The Man of La Mancha, ripped with madness and paranoia.  Losing those two games to Liberty will only exacerbate things too. 

Leggett may be Clemson’s Eeyore and Dabo their Tigger but one thing is clear.  You could just rename Pickens County the 100-acre woods because it is one big Winnie the Pooh fantasy world up there at this point.   

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!