WARNING...2013 could be just like 2011

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I know that I am viewed as a “pessimistic” or “negative” Gamecock fan sometimes and that’s a fair accusation some of the time.  But often it is honestly an objective analysis of the facts in front of me that folks don’t want to hear.  If you’re being honest about the first couple of weeks in the upcoming football season, there is a VERY plausible scenario that could happen which isn’t good for Carolina.  At least early in the season.   

Georgia enters this year completely obsessed with beating USC if for no other reason than shutting up our fan base.  They aren’t used to having a three-game losing streak to the Gamecocks, Spurrier or not.  Oh but what about their trip to Clemson you ask?  First, not a conference game.  Second, when was the last time Clemson was relevant in Georgia’s eyes (or anyone’s eyes outside of Heather Dinich or whatever her last name is)?  Third, Clemson feels that a win over Georgia would confirm that their win over LSU meant something.  Fourth, Georgia as usual will have most of their team in jail and missing the first game.  So if you’re being honest, how can you not pick Georgia to lose to Clemson that first weekend?   It won’t even be that close in my opinion.  And it won’t mean ANYTHING later in the year. 

Then Georgia turns around, after being angry and shellacked in a game they didn’t care about, and get the game they are completely focused on with Carolina.  They will be back at full-strength, at home and absolutely drooling fired-up.  AND Connor Shaw has yet to show he can lead the Gamecocks on the road into that kind of environment and get a win.  So if you’re being honest, it is VERY plausible, if not likely, that the first two weeks end with Clemson at 2-0 and Carolina and Georgia each 1-1.

That would be similar to 2011.  Then, Clemson caught Auburn napping up in Tigertown and whipped them by 14.  Carolina lost to Auburn at home during the week that Eric Hyman was completing his crucifixion of Stephen Garcia (following Garcia’s Grandfather’s funeral).  Everyone in Tigertown went Ape-Poopy with delight thinking that meant the USC resurgence was over.   The Tigers roared into the Top 5 and Clemson was 8-0!  And the Gamecocks ended up trouncing them 34-13. 

It stinks that scheduling luck and fate have set things up this way, but the good news is that we have a Coach that handles nonsense like this perfectly.  Dabo will inevitably pull a Dabo at some point even with the start listed above and the rest of the season will go accordingly.  You can set your watch to the predictability.
 

Yes, yes, this is all a worst-case scenario and hopefully I will be wrong on all counts.  I haven’t made my season game-by-game predictions yet so I might feel differently in August.  But the good news is that even if this does play out I don’t see Carolina losing but 2 games.  Three tops.  If 9-3 is considered a total failure in the SEC and at Williams-Brice, then we’ve come a long way baby! 

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

Lou Holtz and Mark May weigh in on Future Olympic Sites

The Committee that selects future host Cities for the Olympic Games got some unexpected advice this week.  ESPN College Football commentators Mark May and Lou Holtz got into a heated argument over which cities would be best for the 2022 Winter and 2024 Summer events.  “I don’t think there is any question that South Bend, Indiana should get the winter games and Columbia, SC the summer,” said Holtz, whose comments caused May to go ballistic in response.  “You’re out of your mind old man,” noted May who countered with two locations of his own.  “First off, Pittsburgh is a much better winter town and is already rumored for the 2026 winter games, so just look at the facts.  And for my money, Athens, Georgia gets the summer.  Athens?  Hello?”

We asked Mr. Vitali Smirnov of Russia, a prominent member of the International Olympic Committee what he thought of May and Holtz’s suggestions.  “I would rather watch them than Brent Musberger and Mike Tirico.  Vodka helps.”  

497,853 people in the world still don’t know Clowney

THE HIT!

ESPN and Steve Spurrier have spent the off-season trying to promote  Gamecock star Jadeveon Clowney, but those efforts may be falling short.  Of the roughly 7 billion humans on the Earth, there are nearly half a million left that have never heard of #7 or seen the clip of his Outback Bowl hit against Michigan.  “Yeah, there are a bunch of folks in Belarus who we haven’t reached yet and I feel bad about that,” said Spurrier. 

The Head Ball Coach thinks the problem can be corrected by the time August practices start.  “There is a problem with our media outreach efforts in Minsk and Baranavinchy and we’re working on it.   We’ll get there.”  If Spurrier does complete the task, he will be allowed to beat up Nick Saban with a tire iron for 15 minutes before the kickoff against North Carolina.  

MORE MOO U News: Frank Howard under siege for mistreatment of his rock

Made-Up Story...Again...Don't Get Too Upset Clemson-ites!

New evidence has surfaced that former Clemson football coach Frank Howard used to use his famous rock as a “door-stop,” and that has rabid Tiger fans beside themselves.  Jimmy Don Spittle, an honors graduate from Moo U and Iva resident, could not believe the news.  “How would Coach Howard feel if he knew someone once used his rock that way?  I think we should immediately take Coach Howard’s name off the stadium.”  

Spittle says Coach Howard made it clear that anyone not giving a billion percent should keep their filthy hands off that rock.  “That includes Coach Howard, and he didn’t live up to his words.  I think we owe it to a legend like Frank Howard to make sure that his name is never associated with a hypocrite like Frank Howard.  He had a losing record to the Gamecocks too.” 

MOO U News: Dabo blames Rock Incident on Spurrier

THIS IS A SILLY LITTLE MADE-UP STORY - DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS CLEMSON-ITES!

Swinney Believes Spurrier Vandalize "Howard's Rock"

Coach Steve Spurrier is the one who cracked Howard’s Rock if you believe Dabo Swinney.  The little Coach that could in a sweatshirt says that despite an arrest of a Clemson fan recently in the case, and apparent video confirmation of the crime itself, he feels it was actually the Head Ball Coach.  “Look, I heard from someone’s twitter account that Spurrier did it and he hasn’t denied it,” said Swinney.  “That means he did it as far as I’m concerned.”  

Spurrier has never been suspected of involvement in the vandalism and is not considered a suspect by anyone.  But Swinney has a history of blaming things on Spurrier that he hasn’t done.  Remember that Tiger reporter making up a quote that allowed him to stage a very silly rant against the Gamecocks?  Well, the Tigers’ chief paste-eater says no such rant is coming this time because the last one led to another double-digit behind-kicking by Carolina.   “But Spurrier did this,” said Swinney, and “I ain’t apologizing.” 

Spurrier has his “Cocky” Back

For those Gamecock fans who are old enough to remember the Paul Dietzel era, you hear story after story about the success Herman Helms had at The State in spewing negativity to the point that a change was made.  Certainly the modern day moron over there has done his best to keep up that legacy of the “hometown” paper antagonizing USC for the sake of being confrontational. 

For the first time ever, that effort has failed and a Coach has survived.  Steve Spurrier’s first five seasons were an absolute grind.  Just like other legends that had come to Columbia, it appeared that the Head Ball Coach’s tenure would end badly.  At that point you could hear all kinds of “Dietzel the sequel” references from old-school Carolina fans.  

Instead of that “typical” ending, Spurrier roars into season #9 with his best roster ever and the national spotlight on Williams-Brice like it’s never been before.  The Gamecocks have a very difficult schedule as they always do and will, but this one appears to be manageable.  The SEC road trips include Athens, Mizzou, Fayetteville and Knoxville.  A bonus trip to Central Florida is badly-timed and dangerous but it is there. 

For the first time since he has been in Columbia, you get the sense that the HBC is actually “happy” with his quarterbacks.  Connor Shaw is the angelic choir boy with the great work ethic (Spurrier’s ideal QB).  Then you have the more media-friendly “gunslinger” Dylan Thompson.  Thompson being there when things get tough for Shaw or the little guy gets beat up a bit has paid dividends already.  (See Clemson and the Outback Bowl)  

So why is this the year that Spurrier seems to have finally turned back into the “cocky” ball coach we all used to hate in Gainesville?  After all, there are certainly some BIG question marks about this season:  1. Can USC’s new linebackers get the job done?  2.  Is there enough depth in the secondary?  3.  Can Connor Shaw finally win a really big marquee game on the road?  

I get it that Spurrier doesn’t have to worry himself with the first two defense concerns but he has to know that #3 lingers in the air in a big way.   Shaw has done just about everything else you can do as a QB at Carolina….except win that signature road win as a starter.  Miss. State and Tennessee in 2011 were nice wins of course, as were Vandy and Kentucky in 2012.  But Alshon rescued us in Starkville by making a tremendous catch and the Vols were sleepwalking through one of their worst years ever and we end up slipping away 14-3.  

Fair or unfair those wins are overshadowed by the losses at LSU and Florida last year and the disastrous trip to Fayetteville in 2012.  At some point this season, Shaw (who has been brilliant in Columbia), must lead us to a victory on his own on the road under pressure circumstances.  That is part of an SEC QB’s legacy.  I would say that there is one golden opportunity for that early on this fall:  Between the hedges.   If he does, then Spurrier’s return to swagger and cockiness will be justified!  Go get ‘em Connor.  It’s the chance you have been waiting for.  

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

Pretty cool schedule poster for upcoming season....

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Link to original poster... (LARGE IMAGE)

http://quantzphoto.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/2013poster.jpg

MOO U News: Clemson Wide Receiver being pushed for award also

This is a fake story...Don't take it too seriously!

And the 2013-14 Cannabis Cup goes to....

Clemson’s head football Coach and Chief Toad-Licker Dabo Swinney says that the Tigers’ pretend run at the Heisman is not the only media campaign they will be pushing behind a player this fall.  Clemson has a wide receiver or two that should be the lead candidates to win High Times’ “Cannabis Cup” for promoting the use of illegal drugs. 

“No one has done more to push narcotics into the public in the Palmetto State than we have,” said Swinney, who wants those efforts rewarded.  “Our QB can win the Heisman while one of our Receivers is named ‘The Highest Man’ in the same year.  You can’t put a price on that kind of publicity for the Upstate.” 

MOO U News: Clemson pretends QB is a Heisman threat

THIS IS A FAKE STORY - Don't take it too seriously!

Every once in a while, Clemson runs into a team like Tennessee or LSU in the Peach Bowl who has no interest in being there.  The Tigers, desperate for even the slightest bit of credibility, then convince themselves that it is 1982 again.  Uncle Rico would be proud of the delusion. 

But this time there is a bonus to the normal Clemson “Peachy” hype.  The Upstate Udders have convinced themselves that their perennial choking QB is now a Heisman threat.  So in that spirit here are some other awards The Gamecocks’ favorite Clemson signal-caller has just as much of a chance to win this year:

 

• The Mark Twain Prize
• Miss America
• Chrysler Salesman of the Year (Seattle District)
• The Canadian Soccer League’s “Golden Boot”
• The Jock McHale Medal
• The Harley J. Earl Trophy
• The Ranfurly Shield
• Brunei Order of the Crown
• St. Matthews Yard of the Month

GREAT 1st Season for Coach Holbrook!

You always want to be the last team standing with the trophy in Omaha, and I fully believe a Chad Holbrook Carolina team will be soon.  But for this year, if you’re being intellectually honest about the circumstances, we pretty much went as far as anyone thought we would.  Yes, yes it’s a shame we gave away the Super Regional.  I get that and was as frustrated as anyone.  But we certainly have benefited from similar things in the past so it all balances out.  

The Gamecocks have either 7 or 8 starting position players coming back next year, depending on the lineup.  Jordan “Gumby” Montgomery returns to be the ace and leader of the pitching staff.   Boy has he been impressive so far!  And we have tons of young talent ready to reload just like we always do.  In other words, USC is going to be just fine.  

And let’s be honest about the situation Coach Holbrook was in.  He was following essentially the Emperor of Gamecock Sports in Ray Tanner.  To take an injured and young baseball team to the brink of Omaha in his first season was quite a Coaching feat.  

Did Carolina pick the worst possible time to play its worst baseball?  Yes.  But if we are now defining “failure” as reaching the Super-Regionals and coming within an eyelash of the College World Series, I am okay with that failure every once in a while.  

I am excited about this program and our “new” Skipper.  I can promise you certain other wound-up, tight-rear-ended Coaches in other parts of the state were hoping he was going to be MUCH worse than he is. 

Just wait until he gets a couple of seasons under his belt folks!  We’ll be back in Omaha soon!    

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!