Just a little reminder so our friends from the north don't get too excited...

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 3 Scoreboard

It doesn't take a Vandy grad to figure out the score of CLAWS vs. PAWS this week.  Add 3 points to both sides and you get...

Both The Cock-A-Booster and The TigerSwag played to a 3-3 tie this week.. Both picked South Carolina to win and to cover the 11 point spread.  The Doors had other ideas...scoring a few touchdowns in the last quarter to cost both of our fearless pickers 7 points each.  So, add three to each side and The Cock-A-Booster continues to maintain his 10 point margin going into this week's game....speaking of this week...only Clemson is playing.  USC will be taking a week off.

Clemson is playing at NC State and is favored by 14.5 points.

Top 10 signs Vanderbilt Fans are in your stadium...

10. They are amazed and frightened by an “upper deck” at a football stadium

9. Their flasks are filled with P. G. Tips and Typhoo instead of Bourbon 

8. In lieu of a game program, Vandy fans pass timeouts reading Tolstoy.

7. Concerned that concession stands had no spreadable marmalades or Minnie Pearl hats.

6. Story after story about how they talk trash to Duke about football. 

5. Numerous references to UT-Knoxville as a state-owned landfill.

4. Following the game, their only concern was pointing out that they played as well as any Ivy League school would have. 

3. Claims that God could never be a PhD at Vandy because he only had one publication and no references.

2. They were excited when U2 came to Vanderbilt Stadium, because they were only a 7-point underdog that night. 

1. Think James Franklin’s glasses are “retro-cute.”

Carolina Student Section left game early due to Geopolitical Concerns

Gamecock students came under fire from Connor Shaw and others for leaving the Vanderbilt game early on Saturday night.  However, an informal exit poll showed that international concerns were the reason.  “Vladimir Putin’s recent Op-Ed in the New York Times was very disturbing,” noted Engineering Major and Sophomore Caitlyn Vending.  “I just couldn’t sit there and continue to watch football knowing that Al Qaeda is telling Syrian fighters to shun secularists.  I wanted to discuss this with some classmates in Five Points immediately.” 

Junior Kenneth Denimbrosky agreed, saying that everyone on campus is just nervous about the nation’s foreign policy.  “Hey, India is retesting missles that can reach China and Hurricane Ingrid is forming in Mexico.  That is why we bailed.  Not because we want to get hammered at Group Therapy or Locals.” 

The strangest season I have ever seen? Maybe.

Let’s be clear about last night’s win over Vanderbilt by USC…the Gamecocks were in total control of the game from start to finish.  That includes both building the lead AND tearing it down with mistakes.  So with all due respect to the Commodores, they had very little to say about what happened.  When we were focused and playing like we can, we were up 28-0 and they didn’t have 100 yards.  Now, once we decided to start giving away touchdowns like candy, of course it got tight.  Anyway, that was a Vandy team that had 14 seniors starting out of 22 and they took advantage of our blunders. 

So after three games and about a million exhaustive hours of listening to Freudian-like psycho-analysis of the Gamecocks from the National Sports media, we are right where most of us thought we would be.  Our 2-1 record includes a loss to a desperate team on the road with a Senior QB who HAD to play a perfect game against us and did. 

So now we’ll get two weeks of folks guaranteeing we will lose to Central Florida because they beat Penn State.  And, yes, if we go to Orlando, make a fresh bucket of unforced errors and get all “panicky” then of course we will lose.  More likely is that we will continue to get better, those mistakes will be reduced and we start rolling off a few wins. 

News flash to anyone who couldn’t read a depth chart before the season started:  We are the youngest football team in the United States.  That’s not theory or spin, that is a fact.  We have less than 10 seniors on the entire depth chart.  It may be as few as 5. Possibly 6 but certainly less than 10.  Assuming our injured senior center returns, we will lose 6 starters for next fall.  And yes I am including Clowney in that number even though he is a junior.  6. 

So why is everyone so unbelievably STUNNED that these young guys have had the UNMITIGATED TEMERITY to make a few errors as they get a few games under their belts?  I expect that kind of reaction from ESPN and our deluded neighbors from the northwest, but I mean Gamecock fans.  Look if you were one of the Carolina folks who swallowed the tripe that USC would not in any way miss losing Devin Taylor, Melvin Ingram, Devnonte Holloman, Antonio Allen, Stephon Gilmore, etc, etc, then I am sorry.  I have no  doubt the next great names to add to that list are coming but my goodness it takes a few weeks of experience to get rolling. 

We are just a few years removed from a program that used to have joyous celebrations over 7-win seasons.  I know because I have all the commemorative DVDs and tapes.  And now, instead of enjoying this 24-5 streak we are enduring it like it’s a root canal.  How about let’s just enjoy the ride as our younger guys grow?  What a long, strange season it has been and will continue to be if we don’t. 

Lighten up Carolina fans.  It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 3

Weekend of September 14, 2013

COCK-A-BOOSTER:

The typical overreaction to the Gamecocks losing at Georgia mirrors only the overhyping of Carolina heading into the season.  The same thing is happening up in Tigger-Town and that will be fun to deal with later but I digress…  Anyway, what it all means is that everyone has now just completely WRITTEN OFF USC and left us for dead.  Frankly, I think that is where we need to always be because we play a lot better under those circumstances. 

So does that mean I am predicting a blow-out on Saturday?  Kind of, yes. First of all, Shaw is a MUCH different quarterback at home as I’ve discussed.  He doesn’t lose in Columbia.  Add in that he made the key mistake in Athens last week despite an otherwise GREAT effort and I bet he’ll come out slinging.  I know we have questions about the defense and as predicted they are mostly centered on our brand new linebackers.  The Cockabooster was exhaustively trying to talk about that to no avail in the summer.  And Vandy has over 15 seniors starting so this is an experienced Commodores team.  

While my buddy over at The Tiger Swag has been getting intoxicated off of the fool’s gold punch old Dabbles is peddling up yonder, I have quietly built a 10-point lead in this contest so if I am going to gamble, this is the week.  I think Carolina wins after a very uncomfortable 1^st half.  We will get a late score that will cover the spread.  Carolina is only going to get better after Athens and it will start on Saturday.  

South Carolina 34, Vandy 21

THE TIGERSWAG:

Storylines this week:

• USC fans finding more excuses than yards they gave up
• Eillington mad at the sun for shining each day
• Clowney upset at defensive coaches for costing him the Heisman
• Defensive coaches mad at each other for having to coach with Spurrier
• Spurrier not sure Vandy is maintaining proper standards.  No response from Vandy
• Ron Morris not sure Spurrier is maintaining proper standards
• Spurrier response? Fire Ron Morris for destroying the "Sticks and Stones" myth
• The State giving Ron Morris a pseudo bonus by removing him from the USC beat
• The State bowing to journalistic pressure and forcing Morris back on the USC beat

Oh, and by the way, Vanderbilt is coming to town, which nobody seems to be talking about.  And this ain't your mama's Vandy...

This game won't be close.  Either USC uses the pain and embarrassment from last week to completely destroy Vandy.  Or Vandy strolls into Billy Brice and out of town with the keys to Cocky's jail cell.  Either way, it won't be much of a game.

Fortunately for USC, there is too much talent at the line of scrimmage for Vandy to pull the upset.  Spurrier 2.0 will run the ball twice as much as he throws, and the ground game will wear out Franklin's Commodores.

Now, we said the same thing back in 2006 & 2007, and USC managed to lose those game, but I don't think it will happen this year.

South Carolina 31, Vanderbilt 13

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READ MORE FROM THE COCK-A-BOOSTER HERE.

READ MORE FROM THE TIGER SWAG HERE.

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The Cock-A-Booster's CRYSTAL BALL says...

DATE: Games for the week of September 14, 2013
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Louisville at Kentucky

Some stout red birds from horse country flock into hoops-ville this weekend, hoping to peck away at some wilting kittens.  The Adolph Rupp Meows will come out scratching and will purr a bit early, but more fur will be shed than feathers when the day is done.  

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Louisville by 15

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Tennessee at Oregon

Some Smokey Mountain Hillbillies will be invading the Donald Duck Western Spa on Saturday, hoping to aim their muskets at some web-footed waddlers.  The pot-smoking   quackers have very strong bills, and they will withstand the attack with little effort.  The Autzen Pond will barely see any ripples in the water, and the Portland Plumage will remain in tact.  
       

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Oregon by 31

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Mississippi State at Auburn 

The Maroon Magnolia Jowlers will trot out of Starkville on this weekend, ready to paw into the East Alabama Scratching Post and capture the home kittens.  The Gritty Gusses are hissing quite loudly so far, and that just might continue.  Oh my goodness, could we see, those old War Eagles perched with win #3?
    

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Auburn by 5

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Ole Miss at Texas

Mack Brown and his de-horned cows open up the Austin Ranches this weekend, hoping to add some Hot Toddy to the feed mix.  Colonel Sanders is carrying a sturdier walking stick of late, and has no intention of just rocking on the porch.  Could be steak on the menu when this one is done.
 

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Ole Miss in a mild upset by 4

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Alabama at Texas A & M

Nick Saban and his elegant elephants storm into College Station on Saturday, hoping to show the home gauchos their ivory hunt last fall was a fluke.  The red herd knows how to lay a trampling on folks, and if the cowpokes aren’t careful, they will get gored.  The Cockabooster is buying the home hype on this one. 
 

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Texas A & M by 2 in a big upset

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Vanderbilt at South Carolina

James Franklin and the Nashville Boat Captains sail into Columbia this weekend, hoping to dock their pigskin carrier at the Bluff Road Chicken Plant.  The head ball coach knows the skippers are coming, and the puffed-up poultries will not be a welcoming port.  After some early discomfort, the home birds should leave with their wings in tact.   
 

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... South Carolina by 13

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In one other game...The CRYSTAL BALL says go with...Arkansas over Southern Miss.

Top 10 signs USC finally lost a game to Georgia

10.          Bulldog Cheerleaders pulling out the Red Man “Golden Blend” on Saturday night.

9.            UGA Honor Students given free “victory slap” of their sisters by the Athens Police. 

8.            The urine in downtown Athens was hosed off of the vomit to help the celebration.  (Tip of the cap to Triumph for this one.)

7.            Dawgie Coeds wearing their best fake teeth at the post-game tailgates.

6.            REM now thinks they may have one more record in them.

5.            Aaron Murray leaving the stadium to cheers...for once. 

4.            Clemson fans pretending it was them.

3.            Peach State Waffle Houses expand their smoking sections to include the Juke Box.

2.            Random barking by elderly women in nursing homes up 478%.

1.            Vince Dooley seen clogging on top of the cement end zone dog.

CRANKSHAFT GAZZETTE: Spurrier has no idea who coaches at Vanderbilt

When asked this week what he thought about Carolina’s game against Vandy, Carolina’s Steve Spurrier spoke in general terms and avoided having to call the name of the Commodores’ coach (James Franklin). “Yeah, that guy up there is doing a great job. A great job. Yes Sir, old Captain Shiny Shoes is something else.” Spurrier says that he is too worried about his own team’s problems to concern himself with knowing everyone’s name. “Y’all always make such a big fuss about this and that. Is Jay Cutler still the coach up there? No. Well, no big deal. He’s an outstanding coach whoever he is. Mack Brown? Earl Bennett? “ Spurrier says that it won’t matter what the Coaches’ names are once the ball is kicked off Saturday night. “Vanderbilt always comes prepared to play and I am sure they will bring a crowd down here from Murfreesboro. “ When a member of the media said, “I think you mean Nashville Coach,” Spurrier just chuckled and cracked open a Coors. “Son this ain’t the Grand Ole Opry we’re playing.”

MOO U News: Kirk Herbstreit and Dabo are officially dating...

Kirk Herbstreit of ESPN has fallen in love with Dabo Swinney, and he says this time the relationship will be long-lasting.  “Dabo promises me he’s not going to break my heart again,” said Herbie, who has fought it out with 94-year old Brent Musberger’s infatuation with Alabama QB’s girlfriends for the Most Uncomfortable Crush on television.    

Herbstreit said it was hard to put away previous failed flirtations with the Tigers, and he knows that he is setting himself up for failure again.  But he says the time is right to make one more go of it.  “We are going to run the table this year and to be honest we may never lose another football game.”  When he was asked if he could handle it if Clemson stubs their toe in 2013, Herbstreit welled up with tears.  “DON’T YOU SAY THAT!  QUIT SAYING SUCH AWFUL THINGS ABOUT MY MAN!  They are going undefeated and that’s the last I will hear of it.   LA LA LA LA LA LA!  I can’t hear you.  I can’t hear you.”  

When asked how the knot was officially tied, Dabo said he took the ESPN analyst to the Esso Club and treated him to a bottle of their finest Mad Dog.  “You could tell when he sipped that 20/20 Orange that he was All In.”  But just to top it off, Swinney did a Karaoke version of “Try Again” by Champaign to help seal the deal.