MOO U News: Spokesman for Dabo says post-game actions were tribute to intoxicated, mentally-challenged hyenas

THIS IS A FAKE STORY...DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

Embarrassed by their football coach’s return into insanity after being heavily medicated and quiet for a month, Clemson University has quickly come up with their spin for Dabo Swinney’s going ape-poopy following the Peach Bowl.  The little coach in the sweatshirt that could actually physically assaulted ESPN’s female reporter after the game before losing his mind and declaring Clemson the national champions.  All of this happened because of a 1-point win over an SEC team that didn’t want to be there and had to make multiple errors in the 4th quarter to actually lose.  

“Coach Swinney’s unfortunate reaction to our bowl win was caused by a combination of factors, many of which were not his fault,” said Dunce Rattlecolddish, the Tiger’s AD and new chain-smoker.  “First, he forgot to take his required tranquilizer meds, which as you have seen since the humiliating loss to the Gamecocks has worked fine to keep him quiet.  A trainer just forgot to give him the shot which we regret.  Second, we had him watching Animal Planet before the game and a piece about mentally-challenged hyenas came on and well….monkey see, monkey do.”  

The embarrassed Clemson AD promises that the brief return by Swinney to making an idiot of himself and the school on national television will not be repeated.  “If we have to increase his meds and pay someone to keep a leash and muzzle on him full-time, then we’ll do it.  This is a school that used to know how to act like it is has had success before.   I mean we pummeled Tenneessee in the Peach Bowl just a few years ago and Tommy Bowden didn’t mess himself celebrating.  We’ll get this under control.  Most of us realize that, no, we actually aren’t the national champions.  He’s just a sweet little moron  and is our hyper pet, but overall we like him.”