Top 10 signs USC finally lost a game to Georgia

10.          Bulldog Cheerleaders pulling out the Red Man “Golden Blend” on Saturday night.

9.            UGA Honor Students given free “victory slap” of their sisters by the Athens Police. 

8.            The urine in downtown Athens was hosed off of the vomit to help the celebration.  (Tip of the cap to Triumph for this one.)

7.            Dawgie Coeds wearing their best fake teeth at the post-game tailgates.

6.            REM now thinks they may have one more record in them.

5.            Aaron Murray leaving the stadium to cheers...for once. 

4.            Clemson fans pretending it was them.

3.            Peach State Waffle Houses expand their smoking sections to include the Juke Box.

2.            Random barking by elderly women in nursing homes up 478%.

1.            Vince Dooley seen clogging on top of the cement end zone dog.

CRANKSHAFT GAZZETTE: Spurrier has no idea who coaches at Vanderbilt

When asked this week what he thought about Carolina’s game against Vandy, Carolina’s Steve Spurrier spoke in general terms and avoided having to call the name of the Commodores’ coach (James Franklin). “Yeah, that guy up there is doing a great job. A great job. Yes Sir, old Captain Shiny Shoes is something else.” Spurrier says that he is too worried about his own team’s problems to concern himself with knowing everyone’s name. “Y’all always make such a big fuss about this and that. Is Jay Cutler still the coach up there? No. Well, no big deal. He’s an outstanding coach whoever he is. Mack Brown? Earl Bennett? “ Spurrier says that it won’t matter what the Coaches’ names are once the ball is kicked off Saturday night. “Vanderbilt always comes prepared to play and I am sure they will bring a crowd down here from Murfreesboro. “ When a member of the media said, “I think you mean Nashville Coach,” Spurrier just chuckled and cracked open a Coors. “Son this ain’t the Grand Ole Opry we’re playing.”

MOO U News: Kirk Herbstreit and Dabo are officially dating...

Kirk Herbstreit of ESPN has fallen in love with Dabo Swinney, and he says this time the relationship will be long-lasting.  “Dabo promises me he’s not going to break my heart again,” said Herbie, who has fought it out with 94-year old Brent Musberger’s infatuation with Alabama QB’s girlfriends for the Most Uncomfortable Crush on television.    

Herbstreit said it was hard to put away previous failed flirtations with the Tigers, and he knows that he is setting himself up for failure again.  But he says the time is right to make one more go of it.  “We are going to run the table this year and to be honest we may never lose another football game.”  When he was asked if he could handle it if Clemson stubs their toe in 2013, Herbstreit welled up with tears.  “DON’T YOU SAY THAT!  QUIT SAYING SUCH AWFUL THINGS ABOUT MY MAN!  They are going undefeated and that’s the last I will hear of it.   LA LA LA LA LA LA!  I can’t hear you.  I can’t hear you.”  

When asked how the knot was officially tied, Dabo said he took the ESPN analyst to the Esso Club and treated him to a bottle of their finest Mad Dog.  “You could tell when he sipped that 20/20 Orange that he was All In.”  But just to top it off, Swinney did a Karaoke version of “Try Again” by Champaign to help seal the deal.

Now we will be fine

As predicted, Georgia played a flawless game and got the win they absolutely had to have.  Of COURSE that was going to happen and you could see it coming a mile away.  And it will mean nothing in October and November.  Similarly, Clemson is going through a September peak similar to the one we saw when they beat Auburn and then Auburn beat us.  And it will mean nothing in October and November.  

I am sorry that so many Gamecock fans swallowed the hype about how great we were and now they are mad that it wasn’t true.  But the good news is that all of them are so short-sighted that when we become the good team we will this season, they will have forgotten all about the start.  

As I said many times over the summer, we had several glaring question marks for this fall if we were going to live up to the insane publicity we were getting.  Just because that turned out to be fantasy does NOT mean we aren’t a great football team.  First I talked about our new linebackers and that was crystal clear on Saturday.  They are only going to get better over the next few weeks.  Second was my concern about depth and experience at defensive back.  That was exposed at arguably the key moment in the game and gave the Pups the score that put it out of reach.  

Finally there was my concern about Shaw leading us to the win between the hedges.  I give him credit for playing one hell of a game.  No question.  And no, he was not the reason we lost at all.  But, having said that, even when he is doing most things right he fumbles for no reason at a crucial moment.   Basically the only things that we have “lost” due to Saturday are a shot at going unbeaten and maybe the phantom pretend “Heisman” run by Clowney.  That’s it. 

So yes, I know it is insane to listen to the morons from Dawgville and the Upstate this week.  They have been waiting so long for a chance to chirp about anything.  God bless ‘em.  Just ignore them for now and they will take care of themselves.  They always do and this year won’t be any different.  Heck, if every Georgia QB moving forward wants to go 1-3 against us, I can handle that 1 win being his senior season.  Murray had the “last laugh” but we got almost all of them and I am good with that.  He leaves Athens as one of my favorite Dawgie signal-callers ever.  I would love to watch him come back to Columbia next season and mentally implode again, but alas he will be gone.  

So Carolina may be fuming today, but the rest of the schedule is winnable and that’s a fact.  It’s not “Clemson” easy, I will concede that, and yes, we have a three-game stretch of road games to maneuver through.  But basically, yes, we “should” win the rest of the games on our schedule.  It starts with the next 3 games:  Vandy, Central Florida and Kentucky.  Win those and we are 4-1 headed to Hogville, Rocky Top and Mizzou. 

 

Color me happy all the preseason nonsense is out of the way this early.  Now we will be fine. 

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 2 Scoreboard

Scoring results from Week 2:

• Claws +10 for Clemson- SC State game (picked win and spread) and +5 for USC-Georgia (got +3 for win...missed spread but got +2 for complete miss by Paws)
  
  - TOTAL RECEIVED THIS WEEK = 15
  

• Paws +10 for Clemson- SC State game (picked win and spread) and +0 for USC-Georgia (missed game and spread)
  
  - TOTAL RECEIVED THIS WEEK = 10

TOTAL AFTER TWO WEEKS:  CLAWS 30 - PAWS 20
 

Week 2 Matchups:

Clemson does not play this week.

USC is host to Vanderbilt.   Opening Vegas Line --- USC by 11 points

The Cock-A-Booster's CRYSTAL BALL says...

DATE: Games for the week of September 7, 2013
__________________________________________________________________________________

Florida at Miami

Will Muschamp and his Citrus Lizards leave the I-75 bog on Saturday, hoping to calm some Dade County Typhoons to the South.  The tropical storms plan to inflict some heavy damage on the crocodiles, and if they don’t bring their sharpest chomp they’ll end up skinned. 

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Miami by 4

__________________________________________________________________________________  

Arkansas State at Auburn 

Gus Malzhan and his Jordan-Hare Kittens open up the Opelika scratching post again on Saturday, and some Jonesboro Howlers will be attacking from the Ozarks to the West.  The War Eagle claws have been resharpened this fall, and the Toomers Corner Cats are hissing loudly.  They should get past the Natural State Coyotes without too much trouble.          

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Auburn by 10

__________________________________________________________________________________

Western Kentucky at Tennessee

Old Smokey will open up the Knoxville Militia Headquarters this weekend, and they’ll have the muskets ready to fire.  They better have good aim, as Bobby Petrino and his Bowling Green Mountain Folk have some guns of their own.  Big Red came out this fall with a chip on its shoulder and so far it has paid off in a big way.   

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Tennessee by 6 

__________________________________________________________________________________

S. C. State at Clemson

Buddy Pough and his Antley’s BBQ Barkers leave the Orangeburg Kennels on Saturday, hoping to corrall some upstate felines for a pigskin snack.  The over-hyped orangeheads smoked and mirrored their way through a much tougher group of K9s last week, so they’ll get through this one with no trouble. 

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Clemson by 42

__________________________________________________________________________________

South Carolina at Georgia

Mark Richt and his Pigskin Pedigrees open up the Athens Alpo Hut on Saturday, hoping to put some Richland County Roosters in the food dish.  Steve Spurrier loves neutering the Peach State Puppies, and he’ll have the Garnet Cluckers ready to fly.  The home howlers are backed into a corner, and may survive on that alone.   

The Cock-A-Booster Crystal Ball says... Georgia by 2

__________________________________________________________________________________  

In other games...The CRYSTAL BALL says go with...

Missouri, Kentucky,  Miss. State, Arkansas, LSU, Ole Miss, Texas A & M, and Vandy. 

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 2

 

Weekend of September 7, 2013

THE COCK-A-BOOSTER PICK:

Clemson is so easy to read and predict.  You can see their big wins and big losses coming a mile away.  So it was an easy choice last week to take them beating the Athens Dawgies.  The Cockabooster had it 38-27 and if Georgia doesn’t get a mop-up TD against the prevent that was on the money.

So how about this week with such a big betting line?  S. C. State is not going up there to win obviously, but I doubt they (or Clemson) wants them to be just humiliated.  The Tigers will probably work on some new wrinkles and treat this contest as a glorified practice. 

So outside of the band at halftime there won’t be that much excitement and I don’t think Dabo the Crazy runs up the score.  I will take the points.

Clemson 56, SC State 7

THE TIGER SWAG PICK:

Clemson is the talk of the nation following their win over Georgia last week.  They are ranked #4, Boyd tops many of the Heisman polls, and the bandwagon is getting heavy.

This week, Clemson will look to continue that momentum as they welcome SC State and their band into the Valley.  Boyd, Watkins & Co. will look to have some early success, and then turn things over to the youngsters.  Meanwhile, the defense will be looking for marked improvement and more consistency.

In the end, Clemson gets everything it wants: offensive momentum, defensive consistency, and a roster full of snaps.  One thing they won't get is a win against the spread.  This number is just too big for a team with holes on defense, and looking to gain experience on offense.  I think Clemson will crack the 50 point mark, but SC State will score a touchdown or two to keep them within the 52 point spread.

Clemson 59, SC State 13

_______________________________________________________________

THE COCK-A-BOOSTER PICK:

Dealing with Georgia this year was a no-win situation for the Gamecocks.  The Dawgs were missing key players at Clemson who now are off suspension just in time to play us.  They were clearly focused on the SEC opener instead of the non-conference trip to Tigertown.  Predictably, they bumbled and stumbled around, giving away a key touchdown and missing a critical snap on a 2nd half field goal.

None of that will happen Saturday.  Aaron Murray will “find himself” at home and we’ll get their best game.  The good news is that everyone has now written off Jadeveon Clowney so he also will bring his best effort.  The bad news is that Connor Shaw on the road looks a lot like Aaron Murray on the road.  I would imagine that Mark Richt is smart enough to realize that.

Jawja will force Connor Shaw to step up and lead us to a win.  I hope he does, but until it happens I can’t confidently predict it.

Georgia 28, South Carolina 26

THE TIGER SWAG PICK:

Just three games ago, Georgia was one play away from playing for a National Championship.  Last week, Georgia played a pseudo National Championship elimination against Clemson to the backdrop of Gameday, ABC, and the most beautiful campus in America.  Unfortunately, they lost both of those games.

This week, reality sets in.  They will not win the National Championship, their players are mysteriously injured after first downs, their psyche is low, and their fans are in tears (literally).  To add insult to injury, they must welcome USC, their fans, and their hated coach to town.

And no one knows the playing against Georgia than one Stephen Orr Spurrier.  He has coached against Georgia 15 times with 11 wins, including the last 3.  Georgia will play better than they did against Clemson, but unfortunately, the result will be the same - they lose, Mark Richt's seat gets hotter, and more grown shed tears on sports radio.

And as I like to say when Georgia & South Carolina play: "To the Victors go the Jorts!"

 

Carolina South 27, Georgia 24

_______________________________________________________________

READ MORE FROM THE COCK-A-BOOSTER HERE.

READ MORE FROM THE TIGER SWAG HERE.

_______________________________________________________________

Claws vs. Paws - Scoreboard Update after WEEK 1:

RESULTS AFTER WEEK 1

The Cock-A-Booster jumps out to a slim 15-10 lead after Week 1 of Claws vs. Paws.  He was able to get 12 points from picking the correct winner vs. the spread in the Clemson/Georgia game.  He also picked up 2 points due to a complete shank by the TigerSwag who picked Georgia to Cover (although I am sure TigerSwag is not too upset about missing this particular pick!).  In the USC/UNC game, the Tigerswag recieved 10 points by picking the winner vs. the spread.  The Cock-A-Booster only received 3 points for picking the winner but missing the spread.  The scoreboard reflects the total points earned after week one - CLAWS 15, PAWS 10 !!

WE STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO...let's look ahead to our WEEK 2 GAMES:

 (as of 9:30 am - Sept 3 - Vegas Sports Book) 

http://www.vegasinsider.com/college-football/matchups/

    USC @ UGA - Georgia is favored by 3 points

SC STATE @ CLEMSON - Clemson is favored by 52 points

THE CRANKSHAFT GAZETTE -- It’s official: Only 10 things on Earth smell worse than a Georgia Bulldog

The National Association of Principle Olfactory Odor Trackers (POOT) has released a list of the only smells on the planet that are worse than a Georgia Bulldog:

10.          Skunk spray

9.            Decaying fish

8.            Hot Vomit

7.            Pig Poop

6.            Stagnant Pond Water

5.            Compost

4.            Body odor at the Esso Club

3.            Curdled Milk

2.            REM’s latest record

1.            The Clemson Student Section

Authorities indicate that if you come in contact with any of the above items, you seek medical assistance immediately. 

Connor’s Chance

As predicted, Georgia went up to Clemson with little to play for, fumbled and bumbled around giving away a touchdown and missing a field goal.  Clemson took advantage and played a flawless game.  They had their entire world invested into winning that game and they did.  Now, since our upstate neighbors only play 2 or 3 real games per year, they get to pull their orange car flags, jerseys/road trash pick-up shirts, and spittoons out of the closets and go nuts.  They will likely be unbeaten when they come to Columbia.   

Meanwhile, Jawja gets most of their suspended thugs back on the roster  and they actually have incentive when the Gamecocks come to town.  The flea-covered leg-humpers will be shaking their drooling jowls with zesto and barking up a storm between the hedges.  And I can promise you that Mark Richt’s game plan will be to force Connor Shaw to lead us to victory.  Just as Clemson dared Aaron Murray to beat them and he couldn’t, we will see if #14 can finally land a signature road win.  

Shaw is 18-3 as a starter, but he is 11-0 in Columbia and 3-0 in neutral stadiums.  He is only 4-3 in true road games.  His four wins are:  Vanderbilt (17-13), Mississippi State (14-10), Tennessee (14-3) and Kentucky (38-17).  With all due respect, none of those games were in a hostile atmosphere against a good team, and none of the performances were memorable.     

To me, the three losses (Arkansas, LSU and Florida) loom larger in the brain this week as we go to the Alpo dish.  Winning a big road game is the “final fig leaf” for Shaw.  If he can do it, I think you could make a very strong argument for him as the best quarterback we have ever seen in Columbia.  I mean that.  That sentiment will likely ruffle up the Jeff Grantz lovers and Steve Taneyhill-ites but it’s the truth.  

Am I saying that he isn’t “one of the best” already?  Of course he is.  But to be the best ever, in my humble opinion, he must either win a big road game or land a division title.  Yes, yes, I know we could lose on Saturday and still win the division.  And based on Georgia’s play at Clemson that is possible.  

But really this week is Connor’s chance.  I know that Shaw shuns the spotlight and prefers being the quiet leader like Phil Petty was.  I respect that.  But even Petty understood when he had to step up and put the team on his shoulders.  Shaw’s shoulders will be tested on Saturday.  Oh, the Clowney debate will dominate the headlines and suck up most of the media discussion.  But ignore all of that and keep your eye on #14.  Will he leave Carolina with a huge hole in his legacy, or will we seriously start thinking of him as our best quarterback ever?  

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!