Hey Georgia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

First off, to the family and friends of mine who I love and happen to be Bulldog fans, this column is NOT directed at you.  It is directed at that special group of Jawja Backers who give their fan base such a sparkling reputation.    So if you’re easily offended and cannot separate yourself from any criticism of UGA, you may not want to read this column.  Thanks!

Now, having said that, let me say that Saturday’s Auburn-Georgia finish couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch folks.  Georgia is just getting their just desserts for the last two seasons and the “neck” portion of their fans is suffering from red-hiney-whining syndrome.  Gotta love Karma.   When South Carolina was clearly the best team in the East the last two seasons after destroying Georgia head-to-head, but didn’t win the East, Dawgie fans thought that was justified and fine.  Now that the worm has turned, that opinion has changed and I love it.  And for the game to end that way with a hail mary after the massive comeback was the best part.  To Aaron Murray, who worked so hard to finally get that lone win against Carolina in his years in Athens:  if every Bulldog QB moving forward wants to lose their first 3 games to us just so they can win their senior year but lose the division… I am good with that arrangement.   

We are the youngest football team in the nation.  Outside of the ESPN-Clowney hype from the Outback Bowl, no Gamecock fans were really thinking this was going to be a “title” season for Carolina.  But Georgia had their Senior QB, veteran squad and all kinds of hype about how wonderful they were and how the BCS title game was theirs!   And on paper, they were the best team in the East this year.  So just them not going to Atlanta is good enough for me, but the cherry on the already-delicious sundae would be Mizzou losing another game and us going to Atlanta!  A lot of wives, girlfriends, sheep and sisters would be getting beat up in Athens if that happens.  

I will gladly admit I have some bad memories about those Silver Britches.  This is the crowd that dumped beer on my sweet Grandfather in 1983.  He was a kind man and wasn’t bothering a soul but ended up soaked for no reason.  Then in 1985, my Dad got barked at in his ear so loudly by a drunken Georgia jackass that he picked up my little brother, held him up to the guy and said, “Son this is what I don’t want you to be when you grow up.”  Great way to handle that!  And even in my first trip to the Dooley Kennels, back in 1979 when we beat the pups with George Rogers, some old woman easily in her 70s barked so loud in my ear the whole afternoon that her dentures came loose.  Thank goodness she had taken her chaw out before she started.  No, I’m just kidding of course.  She was dipping snuff.  :)

 

But the truth is that despite these horrible memories, I am pleased to say that they have turned out to be the exceptions and not the rule for Athens folks.  As I mentioned above, I have many good friends and relatives who are Buck Belue worshipers.  And yes, when you’re younger, all of those memories tend to get over-dramatized in your head.  But for this year, I have to admit I am chuckling loudly at the whimpering coming from the neutered K9s across the river.  Balances a lot of books.  

Now onto Coastal and Clemson.  I had us at 9-2 going into the rivalry game this year, and barring an upset against Coastal, that is exactly where we will be.  I think we will beat Coastal and lose to the Tiggers.  The Overrated Orangies and the Crazy one have their entire world and existence invested into beating us.  And they are bringing the ACC officials with them and I can promise you they are in protection mode trying to get an unearned BCS At-large bid.  Also, in my lifetime I have never seen a 5-game win streak in the series either way and that includes several 4-game win streaks by Clemson against Carolina teams that were just awful.  So everything just seems to be coming together and pointing to a Klimpleton win.  

Now I am a rivalry addict and NEVER think it is okay to lose to that bunch.  Especially when they are all hopped up on unjustified orange catnip and giving themselves a perpetual tongue bath right now despite having no quality wins on the schedule.  None.  But their strengths play right into our weaknesses and that is hard to ignore.  Now I will concede that I also predicted us to lose to them last year but that was largely because Shaw was hurt and who could have foreseen Thompson’s big day?  

But honestly, even if Yabble Dabbles and his trademarked sweatshirt do finally beat us, USC has more than lived up to my expectations this year.  We are just SO young at linebacker and in the secondary.  We’ve gotten better and the future is bright, but losing Ingram, Taylor, Swearinger, Antonio Allen, etc., is just tough to do without missing a beat.  And with a minimum of 15 starters returning in 2014 and a MUCH more favorable schedule lined up things are good in Columbia folks. 

So the sister-kissers from East Walhalla may get a victory over Turkey Day Weekend, but as I said about Murray above, if every Clemson QB wants to lose to us for three years and win their senior season…I am good with that arrangement!  J

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 12

 Weekend of November 16, 2013

THE TIGERSWAG:

This week, the most difficult, impossible, toughest, nastiest, and dangerous SEC train hauls National Championship contender Florida into Columbia, SC.  Just like previous SEC trains carried powerhouses like Vanderbilt, Kentucky, & Mississippi State, this train carries another team capable of beating any team at any time.

Wait, Florida is not in the BCS Championship mix?  They've lost 4 games in a row, including last week at home to Vanderbilt?  You mean they've lost more than they've won?

Yeah, but this team is healthy and a healthy SEC team can cure cancer and dry little kid tears.  What, Florida is missing two dozen players due to injuries and their backup quaterback turned starter is a game-time decision?

But those things don't matter when two SEC teams square off because this game is even and both teams would be lucky to leave Williams Brice with a win.  Oh, Vegas has this as a two touchdown spread in favor of USC?  Didn't see that coming.

Right now Florida is bad, the team is hurt, the fans are apathetic, and the coach is trying to find the best realtor in Gainesville to sell his house.  When a team gets backed into a corner like this, they either come out swinging, or play dead.

In this case, unless South Carolina gives them reason to believe they can win, I expect Florida to play dead.  And Spurrier to kick them while they're down.

Garnet & Black Jorts 31

Jorts of Every Other Color 12

THE COCK-A-BOOSTER:

There is a chance that the Gainesville Crocodiles will be crawling into Columbia this weekend having given up on the season.  I hope so.  Some folks might scoff at that feeling but I don’t care.  Just win baby!    So many possibilities lie in front of the Gamecocks, IF we win this game.

Florida has absolutely nothing to play for, which either makes them a target for us to walk over OR the most dangerous team on the schedule.  They have a stout defense when it wants to be.  No one can argue that.  And as we showed in the Swamp last year, if you’re willing to make enough mistakes to hand over some free points they’ll take advantage and be tough to beat.  So hopefully, we’ll be fired up and not flat this weekend.  We have a lot to play for and we got pantsed down there last year.  Connor Shaw has to be tired of listening to folks talk about that 1st quarter disaster.     

Shaw has three home games left in his storied career in Columbia.  You know he wants to leave Richland County having never lost there.  When you add it all up, this “should” be a nice win for USC.   I just don’t see it playing out the other way.  Yes, yes, we felt this same way about the visit from Auburn a couple of years ago, but we don’t see the type of internal turmoil now that Hyman was causing with Garcia back then.  So I will call it like I see it.  Florida comes out with some early stops and hangs around for a while and then we cruise late to a comfortable win.  Oh, and WAR DAMN EAGLE at 3:30. 

South Carolina 27

Florida 13

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PLAYED ON THURSDAY NIGHT ON ESPN

THE TIGERSWAG:

For the first time since the '70s, these teams will play back to back games in the same venue.  Unfortunately, the last time Clemson put on a uniform in that venue, they were

throttled by Florida State in front of a national audience.  Thursday night, Clemson will once again take the field with a captive audience, though let's hope the outcome is slightly different this time.

What makes this game tough is how unique Georgia Tech's style of play is.  The good news is Clemson has had nearly 2 weeks to prepare.  The bad news is sometimes you can become so focused on following your assignment, you forget to just play and react.  Also, Clemson needs to realize they are going to give up a number of 3rd down conversions and chunks of yardage.  They must stay confident and aggressive and not allow those short-term failures to win.

But what helps Clemson is their D-line and linebackers have played much better this year than last, which must continue for Clemson to win.  Add in a few positive plays from special teams and Clemson can finish their second straight ACC season with only 1 loss.

Clemson 33

North Avenue Trade School 20

COCK-A-BOOSTER:

I have been pretty hard on the Klimpletons this year over their absolutely putrid schedule (well-deserved).  That makes it especially laughable that the experts are actually trying to spin the visit by the Atlanta Bees into Pickens on Thursday as watchable or a “challenge” to anyone not playing in the Ivy League.  I will concede that the buzzers have more bite than most in the Aunt Cindy Conference.  But wins over Duke, North Carolina and Virginia hardly make someone “good.”  So for Tech to be happy over being one of the best in the ACC is like a woman saying she is one of the prettiest girls in Omaha.  While it may be true….so what?  But I digress. 

So the stingers come into Thursday night, needing to add some credibility to Clemson’s season.  I will actually play along on this out of pure boredom.  IF Tech’s team can sustain some drives early and earn a lop-sided time of possession edge, and IF they can limit Sammy Potkins’ big plays with their weak defense, and IF the ACC officials are not in protection mode of the crazy one in the K-Mart sweatshirt, then yes, conceivably it could be a time of nervous buttocks in Death Valley. 

More likely scenario?  The ACC wants to hold on to a possible at-large BCS bid (insane), the overrated orangies get a nice lead early and force the bumblers into a passing contest and the Tigers put up a big number.  

Clemson 49

Tech 24

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READ MORE FROM THE COCK-A-BOOSTER HERE.

READ MORE FROM THE TIGER SWAG HERE.

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Top 10 other names that should have been trademarked by Dabo

ARTICLE ON BLEACHER REPORT

With the news that Clemson’s Narcissist-in-Chief and head Sweatshirt Wearer had trademarked his name (not making that up by the way…true story), we felt old Yabble-Dabbles missed out on some other names and titles he could have trademarked for himself: 

10.          Palmetto Bowl’s Biggest Loser

9.            Lord of the K-Mart Sweatshirt

8.            Sexiest Woman in Belton

7.            Steve Spurrier’s Puppy

6.            Worst thing to come out of Alabama since Harvey Updyke

5.            Mr. “Well we beat LSU”

4.            One of the 50 Top Football Coaches in South Carolina!

3.            Pulling a Clemson Personified!

2.            Bozo the Clown

1.            Number 1 nose-picker in the Southeast!

The only thing we know: Beat Florida!

Having suffered through decades of bad football with the Gamecocks in my time, I love the fact that we enter the last ¼ of the season still in the conversation for some big-ticket items.  Outside of a national title game shot, which was lost in Knoxville, everything else is still on the table for USC:  an SEC East Title, an SEC Championship, a Sugar Bowl bid, 5 straight wins over Clemson, etc, etc. 

So many questions abound as well:  Should we hope Mizzou actually wins the East so we don’t lose to Bama? Shouldn’t we want a shot at the Conference title, win or lose?  Do we pull for Auburn over Georgia to help us win the East, or do we pull for Georgia to get to lose to Bama so that Auburn gets knocked out of the Sugar Bowl talk?  And the like.  The only thing we know for sure is this:  Beat Florida!  Everything else will take care of itself.  None of the other dominos even have a chance to fall until we have a victory over the Gators in hand. 

Have the Gators given up on the season?  I sure hope so.  I don’t care if we win Saturday because of a ball bouncing off a helmet out of bounds for a safety.  Just win baby!  The good news is that the picture will have some clarity even before we kick off at 7 PM.  Auburn and Georgia will be finishing up at that point.  If the War Eagle Kittens scratch out a win, then we are down to a Carolina win and Mizzou loss from the East title and a shot at the Tide.  If the Athens Alpos bark out an upset, then we likely become huge Bama fans in Atlanta so we can land a BCS at-large bid to New Orleans. 

Either way, it’s good to be in this mix of options compared to being excited that we might get to the Weedeater Bowl.  I still shudder thinking about those days.  Heck, I have lived long enough to see us view the Peach Bowl as a downer!  Awesome.   The best part is that we’re only going to get better in the years to come folks.  Even with Quarles leaving which wasn’t a shock, we will have 14 or 15 starters coming back in 2014 with a much more favorable schedule. 

So you’ll have to forgive this old Gamecock fan if I am enjoying the rest of this season instead of enduring it.  We can finish 2013 anywhere from 7-6 to 12-2.  It’s going to be quite a ride whatever happens. 

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

CLAWS vs. PAWS - Week 11 Scoreboard

After taking a week off for both teams, we swing back into action this week as we head down the home stretch of the 2013-2014 season.  The TigerSwag still maintains a nine point advantage.

Here are this week's games:

MOO U News: Clemson Basketball Coach reminds fans he is still alive

Tiger hoops head man Brad Brownell had an off-the-chain wild press conference this week to kick off the 2013-14 season, and the man they call “Velvet Vanilla” says the media interest was overwhelming.  “We got folks from Tigernet, The Tiger Swag, WSPA, and the head ad sales rep from the paper in Anderson.   This Fever Pitch of excitement is practically electric!” 

Can you name this person?

Clemson enters the season with some clear goals according to Brownell:  1. Draw at least 1 crowd of over 8000 people in a non-Duke game; 2. Have his name mentioned one time by Dick Vitale or Dan Patrick; 3. Make sure the annual loss in Chapel Hill isn’t as bad as usual; 4. Sweep Francis Marion, SC State and Furman! 

Brownell thinks that if he can accomplish all of that this year, over 30% of the student body in Tigertown will become aware that the program still exists.  “We have the best fans in the world here in Clemson, even if many of them have stumbled in here from the Esso Club and passed out after looking for a  restroom.”   

MOO U News: Alabama after Dabo (In Dabo’s mind)

Copy of the photo Dabo Swinney sent to
The University of Alabama
Football Communications Office for
use in publications next season.

Rumors are abound again when or if Nick Saban may want to leave Tuscaloosa.  Although the likelihood of him actually leaving still seems far-fetched, speculation over Saban’s replacement is always part of the discussion.  

Clemson Coach Dabo Swinney is apparently under serious consideration for the position, at least in his own mind.  Although no one in any way connected to the University of Alabama has expressed any interest in Swinney, he seems to believe he is their #1 candidate.  “They have seen our greatness.  I mean we beat LSU.  You can’t argue with that,” said Swinney who says he hasn’t decided whether or not he will accept the job when it is offered.   “It’s mine to turn down as far as I know.”  

Alabama’s Associate AD/Football Communications Jeff Purinton  had an interesting reaction when we asked about Swinney as a possible candidate.  “Who the hell is that?” he said, having just spit some water comically and falling backwards in a chair laughing.  “Look, no offense to Banjo Swankey or whoever you’re talking about, but you’ll see Roy Kramer in a mullet before we sink that low.”  

Small Senior Class will be leaving a legacy

Whatever the rest of the football season holds, this year’s tiny senior class will walk out of Columbia with historic numbers.  There are only five scholarship seniors on the roster, but just consider their impact on the record books at USC .  These numbers will only go up before the year ends of course, with at least three more home games and a bowl to go: 

•  38-11 overall record
• 22-9 record in SEC games (all 4 seasons with winning conference records)
• 17-4 record in SEC East games
• 3-0 record against Clemson
• 8-3 record against the East’s “Big 3” of Georgia, Tennessee and Florida
• The two biggest bowl wins in the program’s history
•  Carolina’s 1st SEC East Championship
• 23-2 record in Williams-Brice Stadium

Go ahead and poke whatever holes you want in these stats, but they are the facts.  If you are one of the many Carolina fans who just cannot be happy about anything, then of course you can choose to focus what is not there.  And you will which is fine.  

As for me, I am happy that I have lived to see this era for the Garnet and Black.  You don’t even have to go back very far to consider the historical context at which we are looking.   Take the seniors who left USC following the 1999-2000 season campaign.  That class carried out a 12-32 overall record, and an SEC mark of 7-25.  Oh, and they went to 0 bowls and went 1-3 against the Tigers.  I don’t point this out to take shots at previous Gamecock teams.  I was right there pulling for them every season then too.  This comparison is merely to illustrate just how far things have come in less than 15 years.  

The good news is that with at least 16 starters returning for 2014, and a MUCH more favorable schedule then, next year’s seniors have a great shot on IMPROVING these numbers.  The 2010 team’s record of 9-5 overall, 5-3 SEC and their bowl loss drops off the numbers.  Granted, the SEC East drops off as well but I digress.  So if the current team beats Florida and finishes 10-3 overall hypothetically, they would begin next year at 32-7 and 18-6 in the SEC!  

I can remember crying after the Carquest Bowl in 1995 because of our “historic” win over West Virginia!  Now we would be horrified to have to settle for that bowl.  I still have tons of DVD copies of individual upset wins through the 80s and 90s because that was all we had to enjoy then.  So sit back and enjoy every second of these last 4 or 5 games.  Sop up every second of Connor Shaw’s last few efforts at the Bluff Road Pigskin Poultry factory.  Because it hasn’t ever been this good before at Carolina, and we haven’t even hit the ceiling yet.   

It’s a great time to be a Gamecock!

Top 10 signs you have Gator fans visiting your stadium

10.          4076% increase in the number of chiggers in the Fairgrounds. 

9.            After 1 quarter, the Gator Grandmas are ready to return to the Bingo Hall. 

8.            At halftime, most of them leave because Goodwill has a sale on used mattresses. 

7.            They are all mad that none of the hotels in Columbia had flea and tick soap.

6.            Two of the Florida cheerleaders give birth before halftime. 

5.            Everyone is passing car keys to those who forgot Q-Tips. 

4.            Contest behind the Gator Band to see whose wife has the sexiest beer belly.  

3.            Their Cheerleaders feel it’s a good sign they got all the grease out from under their toenails.  

2.            UF President Bernie Machen brags that he can spit without opening his mouth. 

1.            Of the 12,000 fans who make the trip from Gainesville, 700 have over  ½ of their orginal teeth! 

GAMECOCK TIDBITS: Spurrier resentful he has never been on “Duck Dynasty”

Gamecock coach Steve Spurrier may not be the national celebrity he once was, but he feels like reality TV’s biggest show is missing out by ignoring him.  “I don’t have a beard, but I would fit right in down there in West Monroe,” says Spurrier, whose southern accent and legendary sideline antics seem to be right up the Robertson’s alley. 

Spurrier says he is willing to get as “rednecky” as is needed to land an appearance.  “Yeah, I’ve never eaten any squirrel or poured doe urine on my wife for the sake of getting supper, but I am flexible.  The Head Ball Coach could also be the head of Duck Commander for one week.” 

When told of Spurrier’s interest in the show, “Uncle Si” Robertson explained that booking guests is a process and that Spurrier would certainly warrant consideration in the future.  “Back when I was in ‘Nam, we only knew goats and tea in Tupperware,” said Robertson, who went on to express admiration for the Gamecock head man.  “You don’t make no possum soup by slicing a skunk up in the cobbler.  A hog ain’t sweet until a buck licks his feet.”