MOO U News: Clemson ready for some softball!

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --

 

Having just lost to their in-state rivals yet again in a men’s major sport, Clemson fans have decided to move on to greener pastures.  Pendleton resident and long-time Slim Jim consumer Bart Bumblestick, purchasing an air-freshener at an upstate convenience store, overheard a way out.  “I was checking out a wild cherry and a blueberry when I hear this fella saying the SEC hasn’t never won a title in softball.  That there is a sport we need to be addressin.” 

Bumblestick immediately alerted the cashier who is an Associate Athletic Director and part-time Honors College Professor for the Tigers on the side.  As a result, Clemson may finally institute the sport in Pickens County.  Head Man in Orange, A. D. Terry Don Cooter Bob Smooth and Mild Low Tar Phillips says the time is now for girl ball to come to Clemson.  “Ain’t nobody in the SEC winning there so why not?  I don’t want to have to fire Jack Leggett and this would be a good distraction.  So yeah, we’ll let the gals have this one.  It is what it is.”

Clemson would not be allowed to cut any existing women’s scholarships due to Title IX, so an alternative idea was crafted by Phillips.  “Yeah, we will no longer have our young broads studying math or geography.  Maybe English neither.  We’ll come up with something good.”