THE CRANKSHAFT GAZETT: Arkansas Razorbacks suing Piggly-Wiggly over “Weak Pig” image

This story is fake, so do NOT take it too serious!

AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --

To prevent possible litigation, the University of Arkansas Athletic Department
is requesting that Piggly Wiggly consider the above logo proposals.
UA wants Piggly Wiggly to put "the fight" back into their pig!!!  ALL PIGS UNITE!

When Clarence Saunders founded the first Piggly-Wiggly in Memphis in 1919, he thought he was doing a good thing.  The Athletic Department at the University of Arkansas begs to differ.  They are tired of what they call the "neutering" of their mascot’s image.  

Arkansas A. D. Jeff Long explained this week that the school has spent millions promoting a fierce and brutal porcine animal as the heart and spirit of athletics in Fayetteville and Little Rock.  According to Long, the happy and smiling face at the stores hurts those efforts and they are asking the courts to intervene immediately. 

“College Athletics is a big business and with all due respect to Piggly-Wiggly, they have to stop this.  There is nothing happy or friendly about an Arkansas Razorback,” said Long when addressing the lawsuit details.  “We are asking the store to go with a more menacing look in the future.”

Long did indicate that if the chain will not go with a completely dark and mean symbol, perhaps there was room for compromise.  “I mean we could go with Pumbaa from The Lion King or that Pink Pig from the Angry Birds game.  Even Miss Piggy would be better.”

Piggly-Wiggly had no comment on the lawsuit, but off the record the store says it might try to work something out.  “We understand that our mascot is about as intimidating as Porky Pig or Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web, but our target back then was the female and family shopper demographic.  Not sports fans.  Now we are pushing tailgate trays and paper plates and stuff so an upgrade may be in order.”  

The two sides plan to have private negotiations to find a settlement.  There is no truth to the rumor that delicious Piggly-Wiggly pork ribs will be served.