Wednesday, September 3, 2014

THE CRANKSHAFT GAZETTE -- BREAKING NEWS...The Cock-A-Booster offers full public apology for his optimism…

Reeling from his first taste of genuine optimism in the Gamecock football program in nearly 30 years, the Cock-A-Booster (called the “Sage of St. Matthews” by no one and “the most knowledgeable BBQ spokesman located Southeast of Due West and North, South Carolina…” by even fewer) held an impromptu press conference this week to assure Gamecock fans it won’t happen again. 

“In all of my years of following Carolina sports, I have always been careful never to enjoy it very much.  I have always sacrificed my personal enjoyment to make sure I never jinx USC.  Sadly, my selfish ways and one too many cashews led to an unfortunate mistake.”  The Cock-A-Booster went on to list several times that he came close to feeling good about the Gamecocks over the years, but never had he fallen prey to the temptress known as pleasant, sunny optimism. 

“Let me assure everyone in the garnet and black that this tragic error will never take place again.  I will now permanently return somewhere between ‘Know-it-all Boulevard’ and ‘Sarcasm Lane’ forever.”  As a sign of good faith, the Cock-A-Booster promises the Carolina nation that he will pick Moo U to beat Florida State next week.  “It’s the least I can do to make up for this.”  

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