MOO U News: Brad Brownell apologizes to Clemson fans for being normal and sane

THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!

AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --

I am not like Coach Swinney!!!!

Clemson’s basketball Coach Brad Brownell has done nothing to draw attention to himself or embarrass Clemson University since he arrived on campus. If the old Sesame Street skit (see video below) was applied to Tiger Coaches, Brownell would be the one coach who’s not like the others. The professional demeanor and coherent speech patterns have confused and disoriented Tiger fans, who are used to coaches who are ape-poopy lunatics.

“I just don’t say stupid things, draw attention to myself and wear my underwear on my head like Dabo, and I am not paranoid and angry all the time hanging out in a clocktower with a rifle like Coach Leggett,” said Brownell. As a result of this “normal and sane” job style, the coach is reportedly under pressure from his bosses to “kick up the crazy” if he wants to keep his job.

Clemson AD Terry Don Billy Bob Ray Cletus Phillips defended the Tiger Hoops coach after being reminded who Brownell was. “Yep, old Brian is doing a fine job and he knows we expect him to lose his mind. Give him time folks. He’s a young guy. Oh, and I am being told I meant Brad of course.”

Regular Cockabooster contributer and Belton resident Monty Bennett, aka “Tiger Paw Pete,” had several good ideas for how Brownell could be more like Moo U’s fans. “Old Brad just needs to do something like a swan dive into a pool of cow patties, shave his head while drinking a mason jar full of varnish, or melting some moon pies under his arms in lieu of deodorant. Something that lets the fans know he really is a Clemson man!”