|NOTE: THIS IS FAKE NEWS...PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY!
The upstate squad first started getting noticed by Forbes after it was annihilated by South Carolina and West Virginia to close out 2011. But the national media was concerned after the Tigers chief nose-picker Dabo Swinney changed Defensive Coordinators after the season. “Yes, we were worried that the Coach may have been looking to improve his defense which would have been a greedy move. When they hired Brent Venables, we knew our concerns had been unfounded and the results speak for themselves.”
The Pickens County Institution of Higher Learning (coined as such after their best player was busted for drugs before this season), held a press conference to celebrate the announcement. “I don’t have a clue who Forbes Magazine is, but our head Librarian told me it was a big deal,” said Swinney who says the holidays are approaching and this should help him with Santa. “We will give up as many scores and as much yardage as is necessary to get me a new set of spark plugs. I wore my old one out speeding on the back roads this year.”