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| This story is fake, so do take it too serious! |
AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --
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| Auburn Head Coach - John Pawlowski |
Having lost 12 straight baseball series to the Gamecocks in
recent years, the Auburn Tigers figure Cam Newton is their best hope to stop
the trend.
Tiger head coach John Pawlowski talked about his decision to
“call back” Cam Newton from the NFL for the weekend. “Cam still
has all of his baseball eligibility and the Gamecocks seem to get psyched out
when he is on the field so why not? We
can’t do any worse!”
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| Auburn Baseball has been "tur--uh-bull" over the years! |
Former Auburn Basketball star Charles Barkley says putting Newton on the mound is a
good move, but thinks he should have been asked first. “I mean Cam’s
okay and all. He has proven that he can
beat the ever-livin’ crap out of the Gamecocks on the gridiron, so why not the baseball field? But I’m skinny now thanks to Weight Watchers
and I am much more Auburny. If Cam does 'tur-uh-bull,'
and Coach Pow won’t put me in…hell…lets do what we have to do and bring my buddy Bo Jackson out of the bullpen. He has to have some eligibility left...right?"
Ray Tanner says at first he was concerned by the move, but
he thinks he has the answer. “We will
just make sure to lead off Danny Sheridan (who claims he know who was the bagman for Cam) whenever he pitches.”
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| Sheridan (Oddsmaker) claims to know who the BAG MAN was in the Cam Newton Saga. |
Newton, the
former Heisman trophy winner, was not available for comment and asked that all
inquiries be directed to his father.
War Eagle, Ted! I'll take Cam, Barkley, or Bo!
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