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| THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!
AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --
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Clemson’s Athletic Department was initially concerned when South Carolina hired Frank Martin as its basketball coach. After all, Martin brings a hard and wild edge to the court that the Tiger’s coach and anal-retentive librarian Brad Brownell just can’t match. Stepping up to assure Tiger boosters that they have nothing to worry about was football coach Dabo Swinney.
Swinney, who is known for wearing ladies’ underwear on his head at church and riding broomsticks as if they were horses on the sidelines, says he will do whatever it takes to make sure Clemson remains a national laughing stock. “Yeah, old Brad’s a nice guy but you won’t see him sticking forks into light sockets or bathing in 1000 Island dressing. That’s what I am here for.”
When told of Swinney’s throwing down the gauntlet, apparently Martin cackled loudly and started eating individual bricks off the side of his house. “There is a new head nut in town and this one’s got 8 layers of crazy.” Martin then proceeded to light a zippo and hold the flame to his palm while reciting nursery rhymes.
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