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| THIS IS A "FAKE" STORY - DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS!
AUTHOR: RUSTY CRANKSHAFT --
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Clemson head football Coach Dabo Swinney and the Clemson faithful were rubbing their hands and chuckling with pleasure as they awaited the giant NCAA hammer that was supposed to come down on South Carolina Friday afternoon. Instead, the NCAA broke all orange hearts, accepting the Gamecocks’ self-imposed penalties and heaped buckets of praise on USC for their level of cooperation, which “went beyond standard expectations.”
As a result, protection has been ordered for all sheep and wives in the upstate. Hades broke loose in Pickens County upon hearing the news, as the upstate cousin kissers had put all their eggs into this basket. There was a strong belief that finally they would have something good to discuss about Carolina. Cockabooster contributor Monty Bennett, aka “Tiger Paw Pete,” said the reality of the disappointment had only begun to sink in. “Most folks can’t even put in a fresh chaw.”
As a result, protection has been ordered for all sheep and wives in the upstate. Hades broke loose in Pickens County upon hearing the news, as the upstate cousin kissers had put all their eggs into this basket. There was a strong belief that finally they would have something good to discuss about Carolina. Cockabooster contributor Monty Bennett, aka “Tiger Paw Pete,” said the reality of the disappointment had only begun to sink in. “Most folks can’t even put in a fresh chaw.”
Particularly depressed about the announcement was Tiger football Coach Dabo Swinney, who now will do his best remind Clemson fans that they beat Virginia Tech twice this year. Swinney did his best to spin the bad news to his favor of course, pointing out that this only proves that even when it comes to cheating, Carolina will never be Clemson. “Our cheating is 1st class authentic gross stuff. We lost years of bowl games and tv appearances. Carolina ain’t even man enough to get really punished! Tweet that!” Swinney went on to say that the NCAA is a bunch of “poopy-heads who don’t play fair.”
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